A Very Short Play In Which The Husband Swallowed His Foot. Written By Me.


  • Amber -- dressed in a ratty teeshirt and lounge-around shorts and wearing no makeup....obviously ready for bed.
  • Husband -- also dressed for bed in teeshirt and shorts. Also no makeup.


  • A bed in a bedroom that is in desperate need of renovation (in which the husband is taking on as his summer project...woo hoo! ahem. sorry. back to play.). The bed is positioned so that it is facing the television set in the room. Playing on the television is TV Guide' Channel's "World's Sexiest TV Women." The room is littered with dirty clothes and a dirty cereal bowl is sitting by the bed spotless.


The curtain opens with Amber and Husband in bed. Husband has tight hold on remote, eyes glued to television spectacle. Amber is propped up with laptop, eyes glued on her computer screen. She barely notices the tv or Husband. A sundry of television's past and present leading ladies parade across the television screen.

HUSBAND: You know who the sexiest woman in the world is?

AMBER: (finishes up what she is typing and then turns to look at him. looks confused.) Huh?

HUSBAND: Do you know who the sexiest woman in the world is?

AMBER: (rolls eyes) Jennifer Love Hewitt? (side note....this is who the husband is crushing on. he apparently has a thing for people who can whisper to ghosts.)

HUSBAND: (long pause. looks as if he is mulling something over. begins to stutter.) Uh. Uh. Uh. Yes.

Amber punches Husband and returns to laptop.


The husband says I talked fancy to him and got him all kinds of confused.

Maybe I should have whispered.

If you are interested....you can find Act I here and Act II here.


Mich said...


For some reason my favorite part was the descriptions.

Jennifer said...

Jamaica me laugh!!

Glad to know Kirk wasn't wearing make-up!! Would be a little worried!!

Jim said...

I read your new play and immediately was impressed by the great acting that was done on the part of the husband. Imagine having a remote in your hand and still be able to remember your lines. First of all, the remote is designed to cause static to brain waves within 6 feet of its signal. Secondly, only a practiced pro-actor can effectively stutter as though it was real. I'd give him a TONI AWARD for his performance, it was so believable. The wife in the scene did ok, too!

Home-Theatre Critic, Esq.

Jackie @ Our Moments Our Memories said...

Yes, I can see how he would be all kinds of confused, what with all the fancy talking..."Jennifer Love Hewitt". Ha!

The Ghost show makes me laugh...sorry, Kirk, but it just does. :)

keaton said...
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Carpoolqueen said...


buscher3 said...

Haha...I was all prepared for him to come up with some "melt your heart" one liner about you.

And the makeup...does he.......oh nevermind. :-)

mer@lifeat7000feet said...


Poor Kirk.

The Bowden's said...

Too cute! Gotta love our men! :)

mimi said...

That is funny! I could literally picture the whole thing as it played out..well done:)

Tiffani said...

I had to jump out of blog lurking for this one...I've been only reading blogs since my sis has been sick.

I love your plays..they absolutely crack me up and boy do I need that!

I just got it though. Who you remind me of. I've been thinking on it and thinking on it...you are Junie B. Jones all grown up...your humor, your made up words, even how you look!!! Please tell me you know Junie B!? If not, then WHY??!! I am cracking up b/c seriously, it's soooo YOU!

And, just so you know, I heart Junie B. to crazy pieces...so, that means I heart you too!

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Gretchen said...

Around here, the director casts Keira or Cameron in that role.

Sheesh...what's wrong with stretch marks and eyebrows that work?

Great play.