5.05.2009

Myself and I Had a Little Chat

I spent most of the day today talking to myself.

A couple of times it was out loud which is relatively normal for me, but mostly myself and I conversated in my brain.

Because I was trying to talk myself out of a pity party. Myself attempted several times today to invite myself to one, but I worked very hard to renig the invitation.

Because today I felt invisible.

And though I don't like being the center of attention, I do want to feel needed. And wanted. And appreciated.

And today I really didn't.

There is one particular person that I work with that tends to forget that other people exist. Everything that they are involved in is always more important than anyone else's projects or lives. Everything is highly dramatized (and this is usually my expertise), and everything tends to lean towards the traumatic. This person forgets details that are important to me, and I end up feeling invisible. Like I need to wave my arms in front of this person and scream, "Hello. I'm here. Last time I checked we are sharing the same air here. World.Not.Revolving.Around.You."

But I don't.

Instead, I sit. And pout. And talk to myself in my head.

And then I check my face in the mirror (to examine how large my mascara raccoon eyes have grown during the day...I hate that, by the way.), and I have to stop.

And think.

And examine myself.

How many times am I totally wrapped up in my own agendas and schedules that I forget to see people? That I forget to ask someone how their sick child is? That I forget to wish someone a "Happy Birthday"? Or I simply forget to smile?

Because no one wants to feel forgotten.

Or unappreciated.

Or invisible.

So, my goal for the rest of today and tomorrow (baby steps, y'all) is to try and see people. To try and make them feel loved. And appreciated. And needed. I'm going to try and smile even when I don't feel like it. I'm going to try and befriend because people need friends. And I'm going to try and not make everything about me.

I'm starting with you, friends.

I'm smilin' at you.
I'm lovin' you.
I'm listenin' to you.

Because I think you are swell and groovy and happenin'.

19 comments:

mer@lifeat7000feet said...

I have days like that too, Amber. I usually give in and throw myself one of those pity parties.

Good for you for staying strong and turning the focus outward. That's a good lesson for me to learn from.

Hang in there. I love you!

snoodlings.com said...

You should go on and throw a party, just make it a "You Rock, Girl!" party. I'm with Meredith. Good for you for giving others what you most need today. And I'd like to acknowledge you for being a fun and loving mom to three adorable little Rascals. I'd also like to notice and point out that you bring many smiles and even laughs to me and I'm thankful that you're a new friend that I've never met.

Mich said...

I'm smilin' right back at you!
Love ya!

Mary @ Simple Things said...

Smile? People still smile?

I know that everyone probably wonders what I'm so mad about all the time because I'm walking around with a frown, wallowing in my own troubles.

Just for you I'm grinnin' right now!

Lori Motl said...

Oh, I'm so glad I did write my "I love Amber" post today! I hope it made you feel less invisible. I hope it let you know that even people who don't "see" you (cause I almost never see you!) appreciate you for your many talents and your fabulous sense of humor and your appreciation for the greatness of Sonic. If I had known you were feeling this way, I would have brought you pineapple diet DP today. Just say bbbbppppllllllttttt to that person and know that you are loved, girl!

Jessica said...

Thanks for the post, Amber. I was feeling underappreciated today, too. Nothing makes a specialty teacher feel more underappreciated than Teacher Appreciation Week. Funny how that works, isn't it? I'm proud of you for deciding to make your situation better. Let me know how it goes and I might try it, too! :)

Anne said...

Baby steps... that's the way to take it!

Loved the I/myself chat... I have those too:).

Carpoolqueen said...

I'm going to put my ex-Mary Kay training to work and remember that everyone has a sign on their forehead that says "make me feel important". It's so true that we all want to be appreciated. And so easy to forget to appreciate others.

Even if your efforts at appreciating others do not get returned, know that we love ya' and think YOU ROCK. Raccoon eyes and all.

Stephanie @ My Answered Prayer said...

I appreciate you and I appreciate Cokes you bring me and being my enabler...yum yum chocolate cake!!!!

Summer is only a few weeks away....I promise I'll smile and ask how the kids are and not forget your birthday that I think is coming up soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Bowden's said...

We all have those days! And this beautiful weather has us all feelin' lovely right about now. :)

Gretchen said...

My racoon eyes are smiling forth to your racoon eyes.

Big hug and imaginary GNO, friend. Complete with pedis.

And you can sweetly go up to unsaid person and say, "My friend Gretchen wouldn't do this to me." Or not. Whatever works.

Becca~TimeWellSpent said...

Working with difficult people is do draining! I also talk to myself in my head. I can never think of the witty or even right thing to say. Usually that's probably a good thing:)

Great way to turn it around and focus on others!

Tiffani said...

That Gretch is feisty!!

My how hate days like this..but so inspired that you are choosing to allow yourself to feel that but recognize the need to keep on truckin'...

I'm proud of you, yourself and your conversations.

I love you mucho!

Jim said...

Amb,
This is your ole' man atalkin' to you! Trust me, girl, you are not invisible. From where I sit, I can see a whole world of people who think you are pretty great stuff, me included. And your turning that "party invitation" around just points out how special you are. It's a good challenge to turn the tables on the Tempter, and refuse to play his game. He's the only one who has a good time at that kind of a party.

Keep up the chin and smile. You're tons more photogenic that way.
I love you,
Dad

Jennifer said...

Wow, that's a good reminder. Thanks Amber. I think we all need to hear that at some point!

Ginger@From The Cocoon said...

I have those same chats...hmmm...I think most of us do at some point, but sounds like you handled it quite well...

I think you're pretty great..and I've never "seen" you!!

Have an awesome day!

Nina Diane said...

I see you! have an awesome day....

Michele said...

I have days like this too. I so sorry for you. But I'm glad you're turning it around and making the best of your day/days. Sometimes I get lost in my own little world and wonder what the heck is wrong with everybody else?!? When . . . it is really me that needs the changing. Great post. Thanks for the encouragement.

BTW, I saw your comment on Tiff's blog about the donut . . . girl, she and I have been friends for 8 years. I've given up on her!!! But you?!? No way, Jose! I'm going to keep pestering you . . . plus you got all your BFFs on your side wanting to eat healthy. I want you to be star student of exercise/healthy eating.

If it makes you feel any better, all but ONE, count that ONE of my friends eats healthy like I do and NONE of them exercise consistently. I'm failing miserably to be an inspiration to all of them -ha!ha!

I need to be an inspiration to somebody . . . so you are my target!

Glo said...

Hey, I didn't get to read any blogs yesterday, so I am catching up. I heart you more than I heart a person I have never met! I feel your pain sister! I am the same way....I feel invisible a lot of times! I have sat in a car driving and wondering if I keep moving down the road and come to a point to where someone needs to pull out onto the same road as me, if they will cut in front of me or just wait until I pass. When they wait and I am the only car they are waiting on...I tell myself "Wow, I'm not invisible. I really do exist"! Is that stupid or does that make sense? That's how deep I get into that subject. Thanks for cheering us non-existant people out.LOL Now, I am going to read your other post from yesterday.