I've Been Hijacked

OK. Here's the deal.

For all of you blogstalkers, BFFs, blog buddies, genetically linked peeps, and the poor unfortunate sucker who was deceived by a Google, Yahoo, or some other search engine with an "oo" in it, I, the poor neglected significant other, have hijacked the blogspot today. There will be no plays, giveaways (still not quite sure why we are giving away things!!), pictures of candy bar consumption, makeup instruction brochures, or rants about her annoying Pineapple Diet Dr Pepper! Give it a rest!!!

You are all part of a serious problem that needs to be corrected. By problem I mean the endless hours spent voyeuristically (that may have suckered the poor guy typing on the yoogly search engine) peering into your lives and shamelessly plastering our dysfunctional, rascally, and down right weird lives on this WORLD WIDE WEB . . . . . WORLD WIDE!!!

Yah. Yah. Yah. I may be slightly (by slightly, I mean not at all!!) responsible by purchasing this:
and this:
But let me explain the situation from my point of view. There have been countless nights where I selflessly rub her feet, brush her hair, and massage her shoulders, and all I hear is the relentless tapping of those stupid keys. Oh, those stupid, stupid keys!!! The tapping is usually only interrupted by an occasional "Shush! I'm concentrating!" or "What laundry?" or my personal favorite . . . . "Fruity Pebbles are in the cabinet."

So that being said, next time you post a comment, blog a spot, or what ever else it is that you people do in the world on the other side of a computer screen, remember this. There is a perfect husband (that's me) climbing Mt. Laundry trying to make it to the cabinet for Fruity Pebbles who could use your support. Please don't send a jock strap it's not that funny, really ("PG13 comment! But I hijacked it, so I can say what I want!!" says the neglected husband as his adoring wife rolls her eyes at him).

Oh, forget it. I know you all are going to encourage this behavior without any thought of me. But I just have to say that I am still the luckiest goob in the world, even if all I get is Flintstone endorsed breakfast cereal for dinner, and I am forced (because men can't do laundry) to wear the same pair of pants for weeks.

Mostly because not everyone gets to come home to this everyday.

But seriously, I heart this girl. Who couldn't? She's a rockstar in our rascally world.

You can all breathe a sigh of relief because tomorrow your blog world will be "Normal" again.

Our boy crazy world wouldn't be the same without this girl, even if I never get the cole slaw I love so much.

Love You, Amb.


Jim said...

I wondered when you might again take your seat at the controls and "go where no man has gone before".

Thanks for that "wake up" slap - I now realize that I have been hypnotized by this one-eyed escapee from another galaxy and I only have a few moments to send this message of recognition to your plea for "bacon and eggs" and a clean pair of Levi's. I hear you, my fellow sufferer!

Try to keep "the Enterprize" on course. Meanwhile I will continue to fight against the possessive force that already I sense has sensed this communique and is attempting to taaaakkkkkeeee oooovvvveeeerrrr. Oh, noooooo. Keeeeeeepppppp strrrrrooonnnggg, broooothththtteeeerrr.

Over and out,

lisa@littlesliceoflife said...

Ha Ha Ha!!! Well played Mr. Goodrum. Now you just go on with your bow-fishing, hunting and golfing and leave us girls alone in our bloggy world. It keeps us sane so we don't come unhinged when you ask what's for dinner or where your clean pants are. We do it for you, really.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Mr. Amber Rascal for sharing your sunshine with us. It was nice to meet you. May we have Amber back now, please?

Jessica said...

Kirk, I think you and my husband share the same opinion of your wives' online obsessions. Thanks for understanding and hearting us anyway. :)

Mich said...

Nicely said, goob!

Of course I know how things roll at your house too well to feel sorry for ya!!!

Although you are right, you are one lucky guy...of course my sister is pretty lucky to have you too.

Have a great weekend! Can my sister come back out to play soon?

Lori Motl said...

Thank you for your point of view Mr. Head Rascal. We appreciate you taking the time to share with us.

Something tells me that you might be running back to the blog to see what all of us weird, bloggy-obsessed women (and Dad) have to say in response...you might even feel compelled to respond to some comments...come to thing of it, that pattern sounds a little familiar doesn't it? Blogging...checking comments...responding to comments. Hmmmmm, shall we walk you through setting up your own platform for sharing, venting, celebrating and generally loving on those you may never met?

Thank you again for sharing with us today!

Gretchen said...

Wait...is your pseudonym Big? Because you sound an awful lot like someone I know...

And you, too, are a lucky man.

Tiffani said...

Shhhhhhh! Be vewy vewy quiet, I'm hunting a wascally hijacking spouse by the name of Mr. Goodwum.

Seriously, Kirk (oh, trust me, we all know you well enough by now to be on a first name basis), you are just as funny as our dear Amber and just as entertaining.

I think you should start your OWN blog and we'll all come Yagooglehoo with you...you in?!

You guys are obviously two peas in a pod and this post, albeit a slightly sassy/desperate attempt to get your wife back, turned out to be rather sweet 'n all.

Know you're not alone Mr. Raising Rascals, Mr. Bears and Belles is crying out in solitude over his Pringles dinner, too.

But, we love Amb and are oh so thankful you (almost happily) share her with us!

Carpoolqueen said...

Yeah, fine, whatever....WHERE'S AMBER!!!?

mer@lifeat7000feet said...

Red Rover, Red Rover, send AMBER back over.

Kirk...that was cute and funny and I'm glad you recognize your role funding in this obsession of ours. By the way, can you convince John to buy ME an iPhone?

By the way, Lisa's comment made me laugh the hardest.

Stephanie @ My Answered Prayer said...

I'm with Lisa....blogging is our golf (hunting/bow fishing). You know you have it good!!!!! I'll try this summer not to have her out too much so you can have dinner and clean clothes. You just need to let her quit her job so that she has time to do laundry and cook :) and hang out with me....wait that may not be a good idea we might not get anything done

mimi said...

I thought that was so cute that I actually called my husband away from making dinner(yes,he was the one cooking)to come over and read this...his first reaction...he said "I didn't know Dr Pepper came in a pineapple flavor?" and then he laughed and said "see! Just what I've been saying". So,this is a cute post..but,bad idea sharing it with my hubby. Now he thinks he's got "back up". Oy!

I'd like Amber back too, please.

Glo said...

Wow! I think Amber may have some competition!!!LOL You are hilarious too! That now comes to 3 funny people in this family! Will it ever end! I hope not! I love this blog! Amber.....if you are allowed to read this....it was soooo nice meeting you at Addison's birthday party. You are more adorable in person than I ever imagined! I look forward to hanging around with you again! :)

Cathy said...

Awwww. How cute and sweet was that?!

(is that the complete OPPOSITE effect you were hoping for?? huh? huh? ...glad I could oblige.)

And why do I feel like my hubby could write the exact same thing and mean it. Seriously. It's all I can do sometimes to drag him over to read an anniversary post about himself.:) He doesn't mind (too much) as long as I don't serve "left-overs" (which really means: fend for yourself) EVERY night and have clean (although holey) underwear ready and waiting for him...

Becca~TimeWellSpent said...

My husband does not understand how much fun this blogging, FB and everything else can be! Looks like you have a funny man on your hands;)