5:30 a.m......alarm goes off. slap snooze button.
5:40 a.m.....slap snooze.
5:50 a.m.....slap snooze.
6:00 a.m.....slap snooze.
6:10 a.m.....slap snooze.
6:20 a.m.....slap snooze.
6:30 a.m.....turn alarm off. roll out of bed. finally.
6:32 a.m.....lie back down in bed. still sleepy.
6:45 a.m.....force self into shower. water cold. forgot to wait for it to heat up. burr.
6:55 a.m.....stare into closet. nothing to wear. make mental note to do laundry.
7:05 a.m.....still staring into closet.
7:10 a.m.....throw on any.old.thing. who cares.
7:11 a.m.....dry hair.
7:15 a.m.....pack lunchboxes x 3. cafeteria is cleaning out refrigerator since it is last week of school. pat self on back for loving kids enough to not subject them to the leftover mystery meat from last September.
7:20 a.m.....dig clothes out of closets for boys.
7:21 a.m.....fuss at boys because they aren't dressed yet. realize that you are still holding their clothes in your hands.
7:30 a.m.....change clothes. put on another any.old.thing. try to pretend like you don't care, but you really do.
7:35 a.m.....dig flip flops out from under the couch.
7:40 a.m.....shuttle kids to van.
7:41 a.m.....head out of drive way.
7:45 a.m.....remember that you didn't put on your makeup. do u-turn in road.
7:49 a.m.....back home. get makeup.
7:50 a.m....pull out. again.
7:51 a.m.....back in driveway. redhead forgot his poptart.
7:52 a.m.....on road headed to school. 20 minute drive. school starts in 5 minutes. nothing like punctuality.
7:55 a.m.....begin to apply makeup in car. almost hit dog that Barney Fife warned you about.
8:12 a.m....dump kids off at elementary school. smile sweetly at their principal. tardy? who's tardy?
8:15 a.m.....roll into high school. tardy? who's tardy?
8:15 a.m - 3:15 p.m.....do your school thing. wish that you had worn first any.old.thing. also wish that you hadn't done makeup in car. you have mascara smudged down to your belly button. your rearview mirror deceived you.
3:20 p.m.....load boys in car. head to skating rink for compensation party for making the redhead miss his first grade swim party. remember that even though he is
mad as fire slightly disappointed, it is not your fault that they aren't allowing siblings to go, but are requiring a parent to attend. also remember that the idea of 40 first graders in a pool doesn't sound fun in any way.
3:22 p.m.....promise redhead that he can get nachos, a soda, candy, and a glow stick at the skating rink because you are so sorry that he didn't get to go swimming today. with 39 other kids. in one teensy pool.
3:23 p.m.....also promise redhead ice cream.
3:24 p.m.....and another glow stick.
3:35 p.m....pull into skating rink parking lot. notice that it is empty. gasp.
3:35:30 p.m......redhead notices that parking lot is empty. no gasp from the redhead. but a yelp exits his mouth.
3:36 p.m.....read sign on door. discover that they are closed. kick self in rear end for not calling ahead of time. wonder why skating rink owners didn't read your mind.
3:37 p.m.....beg redhead's forgiveness.
3:38 p.m - 3:50 p.m....sit in van trying to reason with a highly irritated redheaded first grader.
3:51 p.m....give up reasoning. resort to Plan B.
3:52 p.m.....pull out and head to ice cream shop. pretend like ice cream will make up for a missing a swimming party and a skating party. after all....it is ice cream. right?
4:15 p.m.....arrive at ice cream shop.
4:16 p.m.....make redhead feel like a big shot by announcing that he can order a double scoop whilst his brothers may only have a single.
4:17 p.m....redhead smiles. other two cry.
4:17 p.m.....present yourself with the Mother of the Year Award. because you deserve it.
4:20 p.m.....herd beaming/screaming kids into ice cream shop.
4:25 p.m....order ice cream. redhead orders double scoop of rainbow sherbet with sprinkles. he now approves of you being his mother figure.
4:25 p.m....other two try to order double scoops. you say no. they order singles, but disown you as their mother.
4:26 p.m. - 5:00 p.m.....drown parenting sorrows in a huge bowl of Chocolate Mintster (mint chocolate chip/Oreo/chocolate syrup all fantabulously mixed together on a cold stone).
5:01 p.m.....head to baseball field.
5:15 p.m - 5:30 p.m....boys change into baseball uniforms in car. you look for sunglasses to hide mascara raccoon eyes.
5:31 p.m.....stub toe on dern rocks that litter the field parking lot.
5:32 p.m. - 6:30 p.m.....watch Tate's T-ball game. visit with other moms. make another desperate attempt to appease the redhead by giving him your Diet Dr. Pepper. what were you thinking?
6:35 p.m....find out that older 2 boys have been placed on a baseball tournament team. realize that most of your summer has just been sucked up into a giant pitching machine vortex.
6:36 p.m.....accept that you can get a pretty good tan at the ball fields.
6:37 p.m....realize that you could get a better one at the pool.
6:40 p.m.....head to car. need to get home for Idol.
7:00 p.m.....still driving. hope you set the DVR. because you FORGOT last night and missed The Bachelorette. scandalous.
7:10 p.m.....home. carry Tate in house. realize that he wet his pants while he was napping in the car.
7:20 p.m....finally turn on tv. phew. remembered DVR.
7:20 p.m - 8:00 p.m....watch Idol. love on Kris. get frustrated with Adam. he once again applied his eyeliner better than you. not saying much today, what with the whole rearview mirror thing.
7:20 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.....get highly annoyed with Simon Cowell. he knoweth notteth of whateth he speaketh.
8:01 p.m....feel butterflies for Kris. wonder if you can make it until tomorrow night's AI finale. make a mental note to IM Tiff and talk some smack.
8:02 p.m.....watch the season premiere of Glee.
8:02 p.m. - right this second.....decide that you are going to like Glee. they sing. they dance. and there is drama. perfect.
right this second....decide it is time for bed. maybe tomorrow you won't make one of your kids want to find new parents. and then bribe him with ice cream to make him take you back.