- AMBER (Looks very similar to author of this blog. Acts like her, too.)
- LADY that works at well-known chicken establishment that rhymes with "Fentucky Cried Ficken."
- Local well-known chicken establishment prominently displaying a sign that advertises a "SPECIAL" of numerous pieces of chicken, mashed taters, cole slaw, and bisquits.
- Tonight...2 hours past dinner...thanks to a thrilling evening at the baseball fields where the children sloshed in the mud through the entire game, resulting in a truckload of sweaty, muddy boys who are growling for food.
Act 1. Scene 1.AMBER enters chicken establishment wearing very cute, new pair of jeans that she purchased today as part of her retail therapy plan. She very sweetly sidles up to the counter where a very pleasant LADY is waiting to take her order. Pleasantries are exchanged and then AMBER proceeds to check out the menu options. After studying the various options, AMBER looks LADY in eye, smiles, and begins to order.
AMBER: I have a truckload of hungry men in the car. I'll take the Special.
LADY: Will that be all?
AMBER: I would like to trade the cole slaw for macaroni-and-cheese, please.
LADY: We can't do that.
AMBER: I'm sorry. I thought you just said you couldn't do that?
LADY: That's right. It's on special. No substitutions.
AMBER: (Fidgets in cute new jeans. Looks confused....because she is.) Huh?
LADY: It's on special. We can't switch out the sides.
AMBER: (Chooses not to argue, because she is nonconfrontational...remember?!) Okay, then. I'll just pay you what ever the extra will be to switch out the cole slaw for mac-n-cheese.
LADY: We can't do that. You have to have the cole slaw.
AMBER: (Looks at LADY like she has done lost her ever lovin' mind.) We won't eat it.
LADY: I'm sorry. You'll have to take it if you want the special.
AMBER: I want the special. But no cole slaw. Thanks.
LADY: So what do you want?
AMBER: (Stunned that there might possibly be someone slower than her to catch on in this world.) Uh...I want the special. No cole slaw. Add mac-n-cheese.
LADY: I can't switch the cole slaw.
AMBER: I understand. Just give me the special. Add a thing of mac-n-cheese. Keep your cole slaw.
LADY: You have to have the cole slaw.
AMBER: I'm tellin' you. We won't eat it.
LADY: But it comes with the special.
AMBER: (Palms sweating now because conversation is heating up to confrontational proportions.) Just give me the special. I'll pay for the cole slaw. I'll pay for the mac-n-cheese. I'll pay for whatever you want me to. Just don't put the cole slaw in my bag or else I will gag when I see it.
LADY: So you don't want the cole slaw? Why didn't you just say so?
Colonel Danders would be proud.