Dread

Confrontation.

Shudder.

Confrontation with people I really care about.

Double Shudder.

Confrontation, of all shapes and sizes, makes me want to throw up. I get totally stressed out, and I just feel like hiding in my jammies...far, far away from the entire situation. It is so much easier for me to just bow out than confront. It really is that hard for me.

I know that confrontation is just a part of relationships, and I know that I could be way more mature about it (like sucking it up and dealing with it), but it still makes me positively nauseous to even consider. Why, oh why, can't I just be brave and big and oblivious?

Tomorrow I have to confront a group of people that most everyone who knew the situation would laugh at the thought of me even being nervous about talking to. And, in the rational part of my brain, I get that. I get that it is ridiculous. But, that doesn't help the ginormous emotional chunk of my brain that tends to take over most days.

I'm dreading it. I'm wired to be a people-pleaser (yes, I get that it is unhealthy) and people-pleasing is really what I'm good at. I hate making decisions (indecisiveness is in my genes!) because I'd rather the other person be happy, even if that requires me to be miserable.

So, tomorrow I'm going to be a big girl and do what needs to be done.

But, you can bet that I will keep my best friends, Pepto and Bismol, right by my side.