Just how I've been feeling lately.
And not like going-to-do-something-crazy-like-chop-up-my-bathtub-and-sell-it-for-necklaces unstable. Just not feeling all there unstable. Kinda haphazard. Wondering around in a stupor. Just weird.
And I'm not sure why.
I'm blessed with an amazing hardworking husband. And our marriage is at the best place it's ever been.
I have great kids. Like amazing terrific wonderful kids. They bug the snot out of my sometimes, but there is no place I'd rather be then home with them every day. So incredibly blessed.
I have a roof over my family's head. We have electricity. And water. And toys. And clothes. And food in our fridge. And a dishwasher. And a washing machine. And a shower that works. And vehicles that run. And. And. And.
I'm healthy. Excluding this whole poison ivy ordeal, our family has been crazily healthy. This time of year we usually frequent the doctor's office more often than we do Walmart, so that we have even been able to escape the wrath of all the pig flues, cow flues, and every other flu is really a miracle.
I have amazing friends. An amazing church. An amazing extended family and in-law family.
I'm really super blessed.
But, yet, I still feel blah.
It frustrates me when I get like this. When I'd rather sleep the days away than get up long enough to cook my kids a hot breakfast. When I'd rather watch reruns of Dr. Phil than do the laundry.
It bothers me.
Because I KNOW that I'm just flitting from one thing to the next, not really doing anything well. I KNOW that I'm letting the ball drop on some things. I KNOW that I'm trading joy for blahness.
So if I KNOW it, why can't I get out of the rut? Why don't I just MAKE myself?
Well...this is what I've discovered....
I HAVE NO IDEA!
So, I decided that it was bigger than me. That if I KNEW it was a problem and was still making a choice to not do anything about it, then it was bigger than me and my very small brain. So I did something about it.
I had me a little chat.
And He and I made a deal this morning.
That I was just going to let Him handle me, and I was going to let Him.
So. What does that look like? I don't really know. But, I do know that I'm just going to trust Him to hold up His end of the deal.
And I'm going to hold up mine.
Labels: Trying to Figure Myself Out