10 On the 10th -- The Itch Edition


My good buddy, Mer, over at Life At 7000 Feet, is hosting her bloggy carnival of listy goodness today!

I'm suffering from a killer case of poison ivy. 

At least I think it is poison ivy.  Could be poison oak.  Or an alien invasion in which they are hatching their alien babies in my skin. Or it could be a severe allergic reaction to housework in which the only reasonable remedy would be to cease all exposure to said housework.  I'm convinced it is the housework allergy, but the husband is not so convinced.

Because the horribly painful itch from the underworld is all that occupies my mind these days, it seems only fitting that my 10 things have to do with the torturous claw-inducing rash.  You're welcome ahead of time.

So here you go.....

10 Things That I've Attempted To Make The Alien Babies Depart

10.  Scratching until I draw blood.  Save me the speech about scratching makes it spread.  I KNOW THAT!  But it hurts like the dickens, and I can't help it.

9.  Calamine lotion.  When the sores first popped up, I had in my head that a few dabs of Calamine Lotion would do the trick.  I polkadotted myself all up with the pink, smells like a doctor's office, stuff.  Didn't do a thing.  Although it could have been because my bottle of Calamine Lotion was from 1943.  But I did try.

8.  Hot Hot Showers.  Like my skin is going to peel off of my body hot.  Only problem with this method is that it relieves the itch for about 2.3 seconds, because I manage to fry all my nerve endings off, but after a minute or two, the itch is back....bigger and badder than ever.

7.  Ivarest.  An over-the-counter medicine specifically for the ivy attacks.  Yah....it doesn't really work.  I know.  I've been through 2 tubes and still just a'clawin.

6.  Using my clothes as scratching posts.  I have mastered the art of scrunching up my stomach so that the waistband of my jeans scratches the itchy patches.  It's not really scratching....it's just clothes.  See...no guilt involved.

5.  Table salt rub.  Yup.  A good ole' table salt rub.  It doesn't do anything except burn.  And burn and itch is not a good combo. 

4.  Benadryl cocktails.  Nope.  They don't do anything except make me loopy and talk out of my head.  Which I hear is a fun show to watch, but it does nothing for the itch.

3.  Oatmeal bath.  This one was thanks to Googlemeister Tiffani.  I soaked in a pile of oats for awhile and came out with relief for a bit.  But really all it did was cause me to smell like breakfast.

2.  Buttermilk.  Yes.  Buttermilk.  Another set of props to the Googlemeister for this one.  Doesn't do much except make you smell like soured milk....a delightful bedtime aroma. Yum.

1.  Suck it up and go to the doctor for a shot.  I haven't actually tried this one yet, but I am counting down the hours and minutes until appointment time Monday morning.  I have never been so anxious for a shot in my boo-tay in all my life.  I'll even let them give me 2.  Bring it on.

**UPDATE** Okay...so I just dabbed straight bleach all over my body and now I am writhing in pain.  So...I guess if severe stinging pain is better than itching like crazy....then go ahead....pour bleach all over your open wounds.  GRRRRR.....dadgum internet and its remedies.

So...there you go.  If you have any other home remedies for alien baby invasion poison ivy, I welcome the advice.  It's a long time until Monday, and I'm losing my mind.

Oh...and go check out Mer's place for all the other fun 10 on the 10th lists!


Gretchen said...

Oh, Honey, you pitiful, pitiful,though resourceful thang, you. Praying those itchies away. So not right. I think you're on to something with the housework, though. Didn't you just go on a big housework bender. See?

mer@lifeat7000feet said...

I don't think I've ever had poison ivy...but my husband gets it SO bad. When we lived in Arkadelphia, all he had to do was stand by it and he'd come in with blistery, itchy bumps.

IvyDry? or something like that was the BEST remedy for him. Get Tif to google it for you.

Hang in there. John had it on his eyelids once. THAT was bad so don't scratch your body and then rub your eyes, okay?

Becky said...

I know that pain! I've had poison ivy many times. Worst case...had it in my mouth and all over my face but luckily it didn't get in my eyes (yes you can get it in your eyes).

Here what works the BEST...getting the shot or taking medicine to dry it up!! Something to try that gives some relief...soak a wash cloth in warm salt water and hold it on the rash. It will itch like crazy while you are doing it but it is supposed to help dry it up. Also, clean your hands & fingernails w/alcohol (germx might work) after scratching to keep it from spreading b/c you can't not scratch!

lisa@littlesliceoflife said...

Hey, so I'm taking a tip from Tiff and busting out with the Googling...

I think you should try rubbing banana peels on your skin.

No, really. I promise that is listed as a remedy.

And if you add that to the buttermilk and oatmeal at least you'll smell like banana bread.

Kendra said...

Have you tried straight out cocktails? I'm just sayin' could take your mind off that itching and scratching. You know, they say take a bath in very diluted bleach if you have scabies. Wonder if that's the same for the ivy. Only had it as a kid, so I've got no other practical advice for you other than cocktails!

Cathy said...

Has she Googled "Yak Scratch Fever" yet?? ...just sayin'.

Yup, suckin' it up and telling the doc to "hit me with your best shot" seems like a fast solution to me.

So how DO you spell relief??

R O L....

My apologies. I, myself, am suffering from Cabin Fever. I'll stop now.

Jessica said...

Kendra's bleach bath is also a very effective remedy for eczema, but it's mostly for killing secondary infection caused by the rash.

I bet breastmilk would clear you right up. I'd pack some in dry ice and send it to you, but we ran out this weekend. :(

Mich said...

I haven't ever had the ivy, but you know hive queen here totally understands the itching part.

Hope you feel better real soon.

Love ya!

Anonymous said...

Hey there, this is Taylor, probably better known as "Tay Tay". I hope you feel better, and you gain your courage to go get the shot to send the alien babies to their home planet. (: I've read your blog for quite some time now, it's one of my favorites. (:

Tiffani said...

Kendra I do believe has the best suggestion so far...why don't I google us one new fruity one to make?!

I can't wait for you to get to the doc either and Lis, I saw the banana peel idea too and already suggested the banana peels but they make her itchy-ER ;)

Love you muchly!!!!!!!!!!

Nina Diane said...

oh no...I hate that poison ivy!! drives you crazy....go to the doc on Monday. They can give you a perscription that takes the itch right out. You only have to put it on twice per day. good luck...

Carpool Queen said...

This makes me itchy just reading it. Take the shot. Take the cocktail, drink the bleach....WHATEVER IT TAKES. Hoping you get relief tomorrow morning.

Cathy said...

It's really to bad you just ran out of yak urine...I'm sure it has hidden powers.

Lori Motl said...

Oh...very sad. Been there done that...all of that. I used to get it HORRIBLY as a kid. Call the doc and get the steroid pack of pills. It should knock it out in a couple of days. That one where you take 6 the first day, 5 the second, 4 the third...you get the point. My heart and my back scratcher go out to you, my dear. Sunshine has had it. I will tell you the Aveeno hydrocortizone cream has helped her stop scratching til she bled. Saved us a trip to the Swine Flu invested doctor's office.

Mocha Momma said...

Oh my goodness! I thought the Benadryl would do the trick. You just have to sleep if you can.

I wonder if ice packs would relieve for a bit? I know heat isn't good, it wakes up the nerve endings and makes you itch even when you don't have poison ivy.

Ice may numb you for a bit and reduce swelling. Just a thought.

Praying for your relief,

theelizabethhighsmith said...

get the biggest bowl you can find fill it with ice cream and repeat. while you eat have your spawn take shifts scratching...itching is the pits!
i've heard baking soda and distilled vinegar help??
my blog is itching for you to come back and visit though we're aware we're about as appealing as bleach baths and the itchy twitchies.....drink a cocktail for me and feel better soon!

New Every Morning said...

Burt's Bees makes a soap for poison ivy that feels great (and smells good too)... worth a try!