My good buddy, Mer, over at Life At 7000 Feet, is hosting her bloggy carnival of listy goodness today!
I'm suffering from a killer case of poison ivy.
At least I think it is poison ivy. Could be poison oak. Or an alien invasion in which they are hatching their alien babies in my skin. Or it could be a severe allergic reaction to housework in which the only reasonable remedy would be to cease all exposure to said housework. I'm convinced it is the housework allergy, but the husband is not so convinced.
Because the horribly painful itch from the underworld is all that occupies my mind these days, it seems only fitting that my 10 things have to do with the torturous claw-inducing rash. You're welcome ahead of time.
So here you go.....
10 Things That I've Attempted To Make The Alien Babies Depart
10. Scratching until I draw blood. Save me the speech about scratching makes it spread. I KNOW THAT! But it hurts like the dickens, and I can't help it.
9. Calamine lotion. When the sores first popped up, I had in my head that a few dabs of Calamine Lotion would do the trick. I polkadotted myself all up with the pink, smells like a doctor's office, stuff. Didn't do a thing. Although it could have been because my bottle of Calamine Lotion was from 1943. But I did try.
8. Hot Hot Showers. Like my skin is going to peel off of my body hot. Only problem with this method is that it relieves the itch for about 2.3 seconds, because I manage to fry all my nerve endings off, but after a minute or two, the itch is back....bigger and badder than ever.
7. Ivarest. An over-the-counter medicine specifically for the ivy attacks. Yah....it doesn't really work. I know. I've been through 2 tubes and still just a'clawin.
6. Using my clothes as scratching posts. I have mastered the art of scrunching up my stomach so that the waistband of my jeans scratches the itchy patches. It's not really scratching....it's just clothes. See...no guilt involved.
5. Table salt rub. Yup. A good ole' table salt rub. It doesn't do anything except burn. And burn and itch is not a good combo.
4. Benadryl cocktails. Nope. They don't do anything except make me loopy and talk out of my head. Which I hear is a fun show to watch, but it does nothing for the itch.
3. Oatmeal bath. This one was thanks to Googlemeister Tiffani. I soaked in a pile of oats for awhile and came out with relief for a bit. But really all it did was cause me to smell like breakfast.
2. Buttermilk. Yes. Buttermilk. Another set of props to the Googlemeister for this one. Doesn't do much except make you smell like soured milk....a delightful bedtime aroma. Yum.
1. Suck it up and go to the doctor for a shot. I haven't actually tried this one yet, but I am counting down the hours and minutes until appointment time Monday morning. I have never been so anxious for a shot in my boo-tay in all my life. I'll even let them give me 2. Bring it on.
**UPDATE** Okay...so I just dabbed straight bleach all over my body and now I am writhing in pain. So...I guess if severe stinging pain is better than itching like crazy....then go ahead....pour bleach all over your open wounds. GRRRRR.....dadgum internet and its remedies.
So...there you go. If you have any other home remedies for
alien baby invasion poison ivy, I welcome the advice. It's a long time until Monday, and I'm losing my mind.
Oh...and go check out Mer's place for all the other fun 10 on the 10th lists!