I Don't Do Parties

Hello. My name is Amber. And I have an addiction.

An addiction to NOT throwing birthday parties for my children.

Birthday parties make me cringe. And break out in cold sweats. And I have been known to feel faint and nauseous when discussing possible party options.

Hospitality is not my thing, and hosting parties at my house is about equal to having a root canal. Picking out party plates does nothing for me except make me anxious, and don't get me started on the party favors. Just don't like it. At all.

In fact, I can count on one hand the number of birthday parties (that friends were invited to) that I've held for my kids on one hand. And combined, my kids have had 20 birthdays. Not such a good record that I've got going on. And those birthday parties were all hosted somewhere other than my house. Like the skating rink. And Chuck E. Cheese. You know...the write the ginormous check, but they do the work for you parties.

All of that to say....I have a problem.

My oldest rascal turns 9 in a week or so. And although the fact that my baby is turning 9 is problem enough for me, my bigger predicament is that he wants a party. Rather, he has a notebook full of plans for this party.

A baseball party.

At the baseball field.

And everyone is to wear either a white shirt or a blue shirt. And we are to have a baseball game.

And his mother is about to have a panic attack.

Because, remember...I don't do parties.

Now before you get all "Suck it up, Cupcake" on me, hear me out.

Because I'm so adamant in my whole No Party Policy, the younger two rascals (who have already had their 2009 birthdays) didn't have friend parties this year. There were no party plates. And no treat bags. And certainly no baseball games turned birthday party.

So...in the interest of not playing favorites, and in the interest of protecting myself from the incessant "It's Not Fair" montage that I know would ensue for the next 567 days, how in the world of all things good and blessed, can I give that boy a party?

Because....really. It isn't fair. And maybe even more than that....

This mama don't do parties.

So...what's a mama to do? And before you start, save the whole, "Just start giving the kids a party" thing. Because even if I tell you that I'll try...I know me, and I know that I won't.

Oh...and don't start feeling all sorry for the rascals. They get a family party (complete with spoilage from the grandparentage), and a homemade cake that is decorated by hand by me, and really groovy presents.

That is, of course, if their mother doesn't forget their birthday. Ahem. But we won't discuss that again. No need to drudge up my excellent parenting skilz.