Ice Box Archaeology

I was just watching this news program the other day about the interesting contents of people's refrigerators. Some people keep some funky stuff in there. So, it got me thinking about my own, and then I had to go check it out. Lucky for you, I have nothing else compelling to write about tonight, so you get to have the blow-by-blow of my fridge....grab the popcorn...this is good stuff.

• 7 Mountain Dews. Actually 8 if you count the empty can. Don't ask. I'm as confused as you are.
• No Diet Dr. Peppers. Could be why I'm grouchy.
• 3 gallons of milk that I had to sell my left kidney to buy.
• 1 small tub of garlic-butter. An investment made to ease the making of garlic bread. Bad investment. Completely nasty. But I'm still hanging on to it...in case I ever need to protect my popcorn from a vampire.
• 2 packages of sliced cheese. There are 2 because 1 package was hiding from me the last time I made the grocery list.
• 4 packages of lunch meat. What? I had a coupon! Gotta love processed meat. Too bad we really don't eat that many sandwiches.
• 1 tub of butter that has little muffin crumbs in it from our Sunday brunch. Can't wait to have a baked potato with blueberry chunks. Appetizing!
• 9 Slim Fast shakes from a diet plan of Kirk's. I think they've been there for about 6 or 7 months. Probably will still be in there 6 or 7 months from now.
• A package of Scooby Doo applesauce cups that the boys just had to have. One cup is missing. We decided we don't like applesauce, but apparently not enough to throw the expired package away.
• A Tupperware bowl full of a casserole from about a month ago. It has a green topping that it didn't have before....wonder if one of the boys needs an extra credit Science experiment.
• 3 bottles of ketchup all half-full. Puzzling.
• 2 bottles of mustard. Same problem.
• 4 bottles of salad dressing all almost full. All expired. Nice.
• 1 bottle of Worcestershire sauce. Can't pronounce it, let alone know what to cook with it. But I have it, in case I ever figure it out.
• 2 dozen eggs. Sold plasma for those.
• 1 gallon of grape-lemonade. I only had 2 packages of kool-aid mix left -- 1 grape, 1 lemonade -- so, I mixed 'em. Boys said it was best they've ever had. I pretended that I planned it that way.
• 1 jar of pickle juice that I'm saving for when I need a swig. Yes, I really do drink pickle juice on occasion (you can insert gagging noises here...I'm used to it).

Aside from realizing that I'm overdue for a trip to the grocery store, this little exercise has made me feel better. Kind of like I'm airing a little of my laundry...only it's pickle juice and a fixation for multiple bottles of picnic condiments.

If only I could bring myself to divulge the contents of my freezer............scandalous, indeed! :)