You're Invited....To A Pity Party

Can I tell you how tired I am?

Sawyer started throwing up last night right as I was getting the boys ready for bed. I knew something was up when he didn't want to eat anything for dinner...and it was mac-n-cheese (our favorite food!). He's been going strong every 15 or 20 minutes since about 10:30 last night. Still going this morning. Poor guy. He is by far the best one of my kids when it comes to being sick. No crying. No whining. Just puppydog eyes staring at me. So pitiful. Bless his heart. I hope he is all better soon.

Because I'm so exhausted from zero sleep, my mind is a little crazy this morning. I have also found time to throw myself a little pity party throughout the night and morning. And I thought I would invite you. Feeling lucky, aren't ya?

I had to call into work sick again. Again. I hate missing work so much. I hate it. I hate leaving people in a lurch, and I hate knowing that I'm the cause of someone else's inconvenience or stress. But, I have no idea what to do about it.

Because I'm it. I'm the only one here to stay home with the kids if they get sick. Kirk's job requires him to travel so much, and when he is in town he is tied up with meetings and phone conferences all the time. His position doesn't allow him to take off at the drop of the hat. He just can't. I came to that realization a long time ago. It isn't like it is easy to take off from my job either, but I'm a mom. I think it boils down to just that.

We also have ZERO family here to help us. None. Not even a great aunt hiding in a little house somewhere who could take a turn watching a sick baby in a pinch. Nothing. All of our parents are hours and hours away from us....way too far to drive a sick little person to and then still make it to work by 8. Not going to happen. I get so tired of people complaining about their family members that live in the same town as them. They have no idea how good they have it. I have nobody. Nobody. Let me repeat. Nobody. I would gladly put up with a nosey mother-in-law to have some help. Any day.

We have great friends. We really do. But I would NEVER ask my friends to take on another kid for the day, especially one who is throwing up or running fever. No way. Even if they told me I could....I wouldn't.

So....here I sit. Waiting on Sawyer to throw up again. Bless his heart. I know he is exhausted.
And while I'm waiting....I'm pouting. And worrying. And feeling lousy for once again feeling like I'm letting everyone else down.

I know that my kids and my family are my first priority. I do. But, it doesn't make it easier to know the headache I'm giving everyone else when I'm gone.

Now I feel bad for inviting you to my pity party. So sorry. But sometimes it is just easier to vent and talk it through.