Notes To Self....Because I Ran Out Of Room On My Hand

* Remember to feed the kids breakfast in the morning. They are going to start telling their teachers the truth about you, and then you will be embarrassed. Oh...and they need nutrition.

* Don't forget your mascara in the morning. No one wants to see that. Dead is not a good look for you.

* Try to remember that Edward, Bella, and Jacob are just characters in a book. They are not real. And they cannot hear you talking to them. But the real humans around you can...and they think you are weird.

* Don't order a Pineapple Diet Coke just because Sonic is out of Diet Dr. Pepper. It is not the same. It will never be the same. It can't even pretend to be the same.

* Ask pineapple's forgiveness for tainting it with Diet Coke. Pinky promise the pineapple you will never do it again.

* Try to find a dress like the one Melissa wore tonight on Dancing With the Stars. It's pink, polka dotted, and would be fun to wear while you sing Jonas Brothers' songs to yourself.

* Remember to find a picture of Melissa's dress to post on your blog for all the people that don't watch DWTS....because only then can they have a true appreciation for its fantasticness.

* Think about going to a tanning bed because you realize that you are scary white. Realize that you have zero time to yourself and your boys would probably tear down the salon if you tried to take them with you. Resort to waiting until summer....and only wearing pants until then.

* Pretend like you can't hear your husband when he talks about working out. If you ignore him...you don't have to exercise. And this works for you.

* Pick out new paint color/linens for the big remodel your husband is planning for your bedroom. Try to sneak in pink. And polka dots. Pretend like you have no idea where the pink came from when he asks.

* Remember to have kids brush their teeth. This may actually require you writing it on your hand, even though it is not that hard. You remember to brush your teeth, don't you?

* Get in bed earlier.....or stay up and read blogs. I know....no one should be faced with such a dilemma. My apologies, self. What was I thinking asking so much of you.

* Stop talking to yourself....people are staring.