When Things Get Bad, Superman Gets Bound and Gagged

So the husband has been gone.  To a sales meeting for his company.  He travels a lot, and though I don't like it, I have gotten used to the splotchiness of his attendance here at home.  I can handle every kind of meeting EXCEPT sales meetings.  They grate on my ever-lovin' nerves.  Every year at this time, my knuckles turn white and every nerve that I have is clawed out of my spine.  Can't explain what it is about them that makes me get all Mr. Hydey, but let's just say it ain't pretty.

Not to mention that when he is away, I have to take over fire making duties for the fireplace.  And since Arkansas decided to get all cozy with Antarctica this week, not having a fire wasn't really an option.  One teensy problem.  I don't make fire.  When the Good Lord was doling out the spiritual gifts, He didn't bless me with fire making.  Not.tat.tall.

Add a go-round with a stomach virus that was hell-bent on stealing the one strand of joy that I had left intact, and I was an ever-loving mess.

So I went to bed.

Because it's what I do.  I draw great comfort from my flannel sheets and my remote as it flips between vH1 specials and Food Network cake decorating challenges.  It's therapy.  Therapy that wears cozy socks.

The children are usually patient during my days of psychosis that drive me to my hermitage.  They often times pile up in bed with me and talk so loud that I can't hear my shows and it is all I can do to not boot them out of my room head first snuggle up.  But when that gets old, they head out for their own entertainment.

Like rendering Superman helpless.

Poor guy.  Arkansas must be low on kryptonite. 

Later I walked into the kitchen to find something to feed the offspring, because I heard somewhere that even if you are snuggling flannel sheets, you still are required to provide some kind of nourishment for your children other than Slim Jims and Fun Size Snickers. 

And I walked into this.

Styrofoam sculptures. Shudder.

I'm quite certain that there is nothing harder to clean up than styrofoam bubble balls.  Because I think I swept up the same pile of the dangity little things 349 times. 

While we're discussing things that are bugging the fandango out of me, let's discuss this pretty little gem.

Can you see that?

That horribly terrible thing growing on my knee? 

It came from me thinking that I was 13.  And that I could still skate like a tween.  Yep.  I said SKATE. 

News Flash:  I can't skate like I am 13.  And I have the big ole purple people eater on my leg to prove it.

But I'm sure I looked all kinds of graceful when I fell. 

I'm just sure of it.


Jim said...

My heart is reaching out to you in your distress. I'd start the "far" fer yew, I'd try ta keep "souperguy" untaped and de.whipped and the sty.ra.foam sculptures to a kleen men.i.mum. Trouble is, I'm up.peer and yew'r down thar. So I am praying for you and the rascals.

We love you and hope you're feeling better.


PS: My first class in NT Survey tonight went very well - I've 11 students that seem very eager for the study.

The Bowden's said...

Your posts ALWAYS crack me up! :) Hope you are feeling better. And stay warm. I can't even tell you how much snow we have on the ground here. Upwards of 8 inches. Yikes! This Arkansas gal ain't likin' it!

New Every Morning said...

Even at the expense of your sanity, sickness and frigid house, you make me laugh!!!

Hope the week gets better. If not, may I suggest you take notes on the superman knot. You may need to use that knowledge on 3 little super heros before your man comes home. ;)

Tiffani said...

So, Indiana Jones has gone rogue and tied up Superman with his whip!! While e-ville lurked in to the kitchen and murdered a styrofoam cup w/ an army knife but not before rendering Mom helpless by shoving her down on her knees!!


Carpool Queen said...

Sorry about the pukage. We've got it going on at our house right now. I've got two of my own supermen down and it ain't pretty.

And the Styrofoam sculptures made my teeth hurt. I do not like the foam. Not.one.bit.

lisa@littlesliceoflife said...

CPQ, I was thinking the same thing about styrofoam-induced teeth pain.

Amb, so sorry you've been sick. Hope you're feeling better.

Superman looks like he could use some cozy-sock-flannel-VH1 therapy too.

Sami said...

Superman bound and gagged?? HECK yeah. No idea why I love it but I do!!!

Beam Me Up Scotty said...

I laughed so hard at the tormented Superman. Thanks for sharing. Hope your man hurries home!!

Jessica said...

Superman in distress. i love it! i feel ya on the hubby being gone, no fun =( As for firebuilding, I think Mother always puts the logs in a little pyramid and then shoves newspaper and pine in it and torches it. not sure if that's the actual way to build a fire in a fireplace, but it works for her!

mimi said...

Some days are nice spent in bed....with a bag of chips and the remote.

Hope your knee heals quickly and that superman is released soon.

Cathy said...

Reminds me of the time I found Woody strapped 10 feet off the ground to a pillar out back...he wasn't rescued for weeks.

Sorry for your woes. Really I am. But just reading the word "skate" leads me to skate/dance out my college friend and I's rink routine in my kitchen...to the tune of Total Eclipse of the Heart, of course.

Oh and I hear lighter fluid (you know like the stuff you pour over the bbq before throwing a match on?) does a BANG up job starting a fire...not that I wound know from personal experience.

Nina Diane said...

you and me both sista.....I hate those little styrofoam balls. You just can't get them up and when you think you have, a few days later, you find more!!

Anonymous said...

I think Superman would rather stay bound and gagged than clean up styrofoam that is being held captive by static electricity. It's worse than kryptonite, I tell you!

Gretchen said...

Oh, mercy. I hardly know what to say. Are you still finding little balls of styrofoam on places like your elbow?

We'll always be friends, Amber, because we know the value of good TV. Medicinal, I tell ya.

Hope things are better, sweet one.xxxooo

Becca~TimeWellSpent said...

Oh my! I'm sorry your husband is away but girl, you are so funny in this post! Funny, funny! I'm just now catching up with reading here.
Cleaning up styrofoam is a frustrating business and I think little boys have something in them that make them smash it whenever they see it!
Hope your knee feels better~I landed on mine yesterday ice skating for the second time in my life and surprisingly it doesn't look too bad, although it felt terrible when it happened!