5.05.2010

Dear Abb...uh...Rascal Raiser

Dear Rascal Raiser,

I have noticed that your presence online lately has been as vague as the hair is big in Texas.  Just wondering where you and your Arkansas-sized hair have disappeared to.

Signed,
Used Six Cans of AquaNet Just This Morning

          ~~~~~~~~~~

Dear AquaNet,

Here's hoping that you can see clearly enough through your hairspray sticky contact lenses to read this letter.  Thank you for your concern about my web-related absence.  I assure you that I and the family are all fine.  Just logging more hours at everywhere else but home.

Here are the highlights:

1.  I was bit by a spider.  Again.  I have been hard at work practicing my web-shooting abilities and sewing up my Spidey Suit.

2.  I have been in the gym every.single.dingity.dangity.armadillo.lovin'.day with Jennie the Sceery Trainer.  I have never experienced so much intimidation and trepidation in all my life as weigh-in day.  She hurts me.  And I think she likes it.

3.  I have been providing fence-climbing exhibitions at ballfields across the state.  Some mothers choose to sit calmly in their camp chairs and perfect their pageant claps.  Not me.  I like to cause a scene.  And with ballgames x 3 almost every single night and most weekends, I have lots of scene-makin' time.  Hoopin' and hollerin' ain't got nuthin' on this mama.

4.  I've been celebrating birthdays.  One of the besties, J-Fo, celebrated the 16th anniversary of her 20th birthday this past weekend, and being an excellent example of a great friend, I made sure her big day was done up right.  I'll let her tell you where we ended up because it's her bid'ness to tell, but it might start with a "T" and rhyme with "rattoo."  And I'll deny telling you about it if she asks me.....

5.  Another birthday that I've been celebrating, though did not end up at a "rattoo" parlor, is my darling baby's.  Yep.  My baby turned 6.  SIX!  Big kids are 6.  Kids that can read.  And sass their mamas.  And fix their own sandwiches.  Not my baby.  Not Tate.  Oh, dear me.  My uterus hurts.

6.  I've been surviving tornadoes.  Our area was pelted by the twisty suckers this past weekend, and we spent lots of quality family bonding time hunkered down in the hall huddled around the weather radio.  All that was missing were the smores.  And that whole no-tornado-warning thing.

7.  I thought tornadoes were bad.  What might possibly be worse is Sawyer during a tornado.  My son is now obsessed with the weather and compulsively checks the forecast on my phone every 5 minutes checking for storm percentages.  We're looking into therapy. You think I'm kidding.

8.  And when I'm not hunkering in halls, or taking peeps for "rattoos," or being eaten alive by spiders, or fence-climbing....I've been hanging out in my laundry room.  And trying to find my floors under all the mud that is tracked in with the baseball cleats.  And eating food that resembles tree bark because Jennie the Sceery told me to. 

So, you see, sweet reader, all is well in our corner of the world.  Just busy.  And crazy.  And maddening.

And just so you know...I would give my right earlobe for a hunk of chocolate cake right now. 

Signed,
Rascal Raiser (Who is Starving)

12 comments:

Jen said...

We're doing the at-the-ballpark-more-than-home too. 2 boys in little league makes for a lot of eating out.

And a huge pile of laundry.

And a very tired mama who'd rather take a nap.

:)

Tiffani said...

AquaNet. Wow. Long time, no see!

Hopefully, you'll finish strong with the Sceery and the Baseball.

6 days!!!!!

Elizabeth said...

I have a homemade carrot cake at my house with your name written all over it! Will that work?

p.s. Your hair is not that big!

Bridget said...

You've been a busy girl! I'm loving and getting into the baseball games...somewhere in between the pageant clapper and the fence climber :D

Jim said...

Amb,
All I can say is FINALLY!
"F" is for "figuring.out" what to do with no blog from you!
"I" is for "I" who's filled with a big sigh!
"N" stands for the "nothingness" that begins to eat at my very existence!
"A" is for "all" I missed reading on your family's days!
"L" is for the "lots" of blogs I hope to get in the future!
"L" is also for the "laughs" I've missed when you haven't written!
and "Y" is for "you" the important person in this whole acrostic!

OKOKOKOKOKOKOK! I KNOW! I've not been very punctual in my blogging, either!

Jim-Dad

Mich said...

Whew!
I thought maybe you were lost in Oz looking for your ruby slippers.

Love ya!

mer@lifeat7000feet said...

Oh no to spider bites and trainers. And tornados? UGH! I don't miss those.

Yay to birthdays!

Angie said...

Missed you, cuz! Remember when summers were relaxing? Guess those days are long gone.
So, do we get to see the 'ratoo'?
;)

Sami said...

Dear Rascal Raiser,
No worries. I'll have the chocolate cake for ya! I'm about as far from a gym and trainer as you can be ;)

New Every Morning said...

I vote for a tutorial on the fence-climbing skilz, being a new baseball mom 'n all.
I've missed you, but TOTALLY understand the busyness. Well, all except the Sceery. I stay away from women like that. ;)

lisa@littlesliceoflife said...

If you had taken Tate for a birthday "rattoo" I would nominate you for Mother of the Year.

Alison said...

Uh - Lisa, if she'd taken Tate for a birthday "rattoo", I'd have been lookin' for help for her while she was lookin' for help for her weather worried kiddo.

And I totally feel his "addiction" to the weather. After a tornado in our area, I became totally OCD about them, calling the weather number like every 30 minutes...just to see if there were any changes. It was bad enough to lead to me not wanting to leave the house if there was even only a single white puffy cloud in the sky. I was afraid that one little cloud would develp into a huge tornado making storm. I'm much better, but still pretty bad about that fear...find something to control that one before it gets too much worse. Of course, hopefully his may just be a short phase after last week. Hope for the best! :)