Mammals....Not As Innocent As They Seem

I didn't breastfeed my kids.  I just didn't.  Didn't even try. 

I think it is a beautiful thing, and y'all can be all judgy and send me all kinds of emails telling me what an amazing experience I missed out on, how I have deprived my children of a stronger immune system, and how I shouldn't have stopped before I even started...I get it....but it was a choice that Kirk and I made, and it had nothing to do with any disregard for its significance or its beauty.  I just didn't do it.

But maybe I should have.

For the least of the significant reasons....because I was rendered completely and totally speechless yesterday.

It all started with a relatively normal day of school.  We had already finished up with our core subjects and had moved on to Science. 

The lesson:  Whales and Their Babies.

Sweet, right?  I was imaging a blessed little lesson in which we would "ooooh" and "aaaah" over cute little whale baby snapshots and talk about how amazing it is that these huge mammals are such caring, nurturing, and sacrificial mothers to their young.  Precious....this is what I thought, too.

Yah.  Sure.

We get to the part in our book where it reads something along the lines of "as with all other mammals, whales feed their babies with their milk."  And then it goes on to give a brief G-rated anatomy lesson on the exact placement of certain glands and so on.

All going well.  Until.

Sawyer:  They're like cows.
Me:  That's right.  Like cows.  Because cows are mammals.  And all other mammals do the same thing, we're just really used to seeing the cows giving milk.
Sawyer:  (because he's random)  I like cows.

Moving on to cute pictures.  No sweat.

Uh...not so fast.

Keaton:  (with the horror of realization crossing through his eyes)  But.....uh......we're mammals.
Me:  (with the horror of realization of where this convo is going)  Uh...that's right.  Humans are mammals.

The longest pause of silence known to man.

Keaton:  (sheer terror) Nuh-uh, Mama.  Nuh.Uh.  Please tell me that it isn't true.  Because that.is.gross.

And so induced the mystified haze my eldest offspring walked through all day.


Ranger Rick Safety Tip For the Day:  When making your pros-and-cons list for whether to nurse your very-mammal babies or not, add this one to the PROS side:  "Being around you while you are nursing your child's younger siblings will most likely eliminate the horror and traumatizing that will come one day when your nine year old son studies mammals."

You're welcome.