I Now Know Why God Didn't Give Me Girls

I'm fascinated by all things girly.

Like hairbows. Hairbows just make me happy. Little girls bopping around with ribbons bigger than Texas is just good stuff.

And polkadotty dresses. In all my favorite colors.

And tights. Polkadotty tights. With Mary Janes.

And little cardigan sweaters with crocheted flowers. That match the polkadotty tights. And the Textanic hairbow.

But God didn't bless me with little girls. I've had this discussion many a time with my Big Daddy, and I've explained to him that I would be an excellent girly mama. I have explained to the Lord that I would have made him proud with all the girliness. I even have promised hairbows and pinafore dresses, because I'm absolutely certain that God loves these amazing displays of prissiness.

But. No girls.

Only rough and rowdy boys. Who wear ball shorts and teeshirts with the sleeves cut-out. And smelly tennis shoes. And who just plop a baseball cap on their head when they are having a bad hair day. Oh...you can make a boy look cute. It is possible. But then they pick their nose and wipe their boogers down the front of their super cute polo shirt (which is about as cute as boy clothes get outside of dressing them in linen jumpsuits and knee socks...which isn't happening anytime soon around our house), or they decide that finding the first mud puddle they see and jumping in it is EXACTLY what you meant when you said, "Don't get your church clothes dirty."

But I'm not harboring any hard feelings. Honest.

And after what happened last night, I'm pretty sure I understand why God didn't give me a little prissy girl to dress and display all things polkadotty on.

Because last night I played beauty shop. With my niece, my sister, and my mama. I spent hours with the flat iron and bobby pins and ponytail holders.

And this was the best I could do.

Yes. I made all of those beautiful creations. Except the ones on my head (those are thanks to Kayla and Michele) and my mama's mohawk. Which is my favorite look of the night. Not to mention the fact that my prissified mama actually allowed her luscious locks to be turned into such a monstrosity and then photographed is actually a miracle in itself.

Aren't they lovely.

And what is worse, is that I was actually really trying.


This is why God didn't give me girls.

Because He looked into the big picture and saw that my daughter, though she would have been super dandy in polkadots and leggin's....

She would have had to endure hair that looked like it stepped off of the soundstage of the creepiest science fiction movie EVUH made.

But, by golly, she would have had a hairbow stuck all up in the middle of it.


Jessica said...

The hair creations look fab! And no worries, as soon as I dress Ave all cutsie, she ends up picking her nose. really she does it all the time. =)

Elizabeth said...

I'm a mom of girls, and your hair skills are still better than mine. Look on the bright side- even if you can't do hair, you can definitely put together a smashing outfit! I hope you get to for a little girl someday!

Lindsay said...

Hi Amber... I have a good friend in VA who is very similar to you... all boys. Given the need to feed her girly and creative side, she made beautiful jewelry and combined that with a Mary Kay business. If fashion is your thing and/or make up, I have some leads for you. Nope, I don't sell MK or jewelry but know folks who do...

Mich said...

It was too fun, wasn't it?

Don't worry, I will continue to share Kay and all her girliness with you! :)

Stephanie @ My Answered Prayer said...

I'll share Addison too

lisa@littlesliceoflife said...

You can borrow my girls any time.

Can I tell you that in the 13 years I've had girls we've never done that?! Looks like fun!

Wes is entertaining Kirk while you're gone. They've been bow-fishing and we ate lunch at Chicken Express today. Please come home. I miss you!

lisa@littlesliceoflife said...

P.S. They have gone to the Traveler's game tonight. How coul I forget that?!

lisa@littlesliceoflife said...

P.S. They have gone to the Traveler's game tonight. How coul I forget that?!

Jim said...

I am just trying to imagine what would have happened had I allowed myself to fall under the "curling iron" in your "little shop" last night, as I was requested to do. I'm not sure the ministry is ready for the "Frankenstein Min'ster" or a grey headed "Bozo clownster", which is what I figure would have happened in that "den of hair-you-see". What a parade of beauties! I was really wondering if Mom was going to go to church today with her "do" intact.

Well, ya had fun, anyway, and I'm just glad you all have that kind of joy together.

Love ya,

Jennifer said...

All I've ever wanted all my life was 2 boys. At the ultrasound with Emily when the tech said she had a vagina I actually groaned. Groaned. What kind of mother would groan?? But now??? Oh I wouldnt' trade her for a dozen smelly ol' basebally boys. I will share her with you as long as you promise only to dress her and not do her hair. :)

I can't believe some of the pictures you post of yourself on here, girl. I do gotta meet ya!


The Bowden's said...

So fun! :)

Anonymous said...

I have a girl with beautiful long blonde hair and I can't make a straight part or French braid. I live in fear that The Knower of All Things Girly will take her back because I fail at such things. But I try to keep her attired in girliness.

Carpoolqueen said...

God knew what He was doing when He gave me boys. Because a buzz cut doesn't have to be brushed to go to school.

Becca~TimeWellSpent said...

Love the hair! You would have ended up with a tomboy anyway and wouldn't have had to worry about hair issues :)

Jackie @ Our Moments Our Memories said...

I've gotta tell you this - when Savannah was born and we discovered she was a GIRL (much to our happy surprise and shock), I immediately thought, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX LITTLE GIRL HAIR. I could barely fix my own, so I knew I would be a complete failure at making hers look cute.

God had mercy on me and gave her naturally curly hair, so most of the time I usually just stick some barrettes or a bow in it and call it close enough. I don't even know how to French braid! So I have to say you are way ahead of me in that department! :)

mimi said...

Sooo, I'm thinking I won't be calling you to do my marvelous hair adventure-Aug edition?!

I love all things girly too....yet, as the mom of boys my inner tomboy has totally come out. It's all about the mud lately!

Mocha Momma said...

You're on a roll for cracking me up tonight!!

Looks like you ladies had some crazy fun.

Gretchen said...

Oh my...

Well...you're really good at other things, Amber.

I think I might be tittering about this to myself all day. People will wonder about me, but that's okay.