Lot On My Mind...

I have had a lot on my mind today. We leave for our much anticipated camping trip tomorrow, so I've been scurrying here and there gathering all of the paraphernalia that is supposedly needed on these trips. We'll see if we actually use it all. I almost feel like we are going to be those people that are trying to be so over-prepared that we think we will look like we know what we are doing, but when we get out there we are going to look so ridiculous because we are so, well, over-prepared and arn't going to use half the stuff we bring. Oh well. Live and learn, I guess.

But, other than tents, sleeping bags, and smore ingredients, I have had other things on my mind, too. Constantly today I have felt the Lord calling me. He seems to be saying, "Amber, I'm here." That is usually such a comforting call, but this is not the "Don't worry, I'm here" call, it is the "Where have you been? I'm here" call. I can even hear the frustration in His voice as He calls me. The inflection in His voice saddens me.

If you don't want to delve into the deep place I'm about to go, please stop reading now. I'm not sure how long I will ramble here, I just feel like I should "talk" this through until I'm done.

I haven't been giving God what's His. I haven't been giving Him me. I seem to battle with time on a constant basis. There isn't ever enough of it. I am the queen of excuses, and am best at making excuses about where time has gone. During the school year I love to blame the hectic schedule for my lack of quality time with the Lord. I might have squeezed in a quick quiet time or Scripture reading before I jetted off to school or before I turned in at night, and I did make it a fairly good habit of praying in the car on the commute to work everyday, but anything of any lengthy substance was pretty much non-existent. I found myself and still find myself doing the quiet time thing in a rush --more because I know that's what you're supposed to do, rather than really trying to spend the quality time with the Lord waiting and listening for Him to speak. It sounds terrible, but it is just honest.

I found myself saying, "Can't wait 'till summer. Then I'll dive into the Word, because I'll have all the time in the world." I imagined myself toting my Bible everywhere I went, reading every second I could, and sipping my coffee on the deck with my Bible each morning. I can tell you that that hasn't happened once. Why? Get ready, I'm going to blame it on time. My hectic school year schedule has now been replaced with our hectic summer schedule. It really isn't hectic...it is just stuff. Just stuff that finds a way to take up precious time that I could be spending with my precious Saviour.

My heart longs to be with Him. I know the results of an active prayer and study life with Him, so why is it so easy to get into a routine of giving Him second place? I don't know the answer to the question because it seems completely absurd to me. If I know the difference that quality time spent with the Master makes, why don't I just do it?

So, back to the Lord speaking to me all day today. I'm sure He has been whispering to me for a long, long time, but is probably so fed up with pathetic me that He has resorted to screaming at me. I hear Him. He is calling me back. Calling me back to a place of complete submission to Him. A place where I grab my coffee and go to the deck with the Word, so that I can dive in undisturbed. A place where I turn this computer off and I concentrate on the messages He is posting for me. He's calling me.

My heart wants to obey Him. I want it to happen and need it to happen. I need to just be with my Jesus.

I'm so thankful that My God cares enough about His time with me that He misses me and is willing to take the time to call me back to Him.

I praise the Lord if you are one who hasn't strayed from precious time with Him, and I pray for you if you are one who is like me.


Stephanie said...

ok Amber...you're right God is talking to both of us. That's almost freaky but I think that is God's way of telling us to keep each other accountable. I can't wait for you to read this book too. Enjoy your trip...take your bible...and enjoy the Lord!

mich said...

Isn't it funny how we can have all the time in the world, yet still have no time? You are so not alone in this quest!
Enjoy your trip! What better way to have a reunion with God, than in His backyard...in the middle of the great outdoors, and all he created!
I love you!

Jennifer said...

Unfortunately I'm in the same boat with ya. I tell myself everyday I'm going to do better, but a lot of times "things" get in the way. I'll pray for you and you can pray for me because we know how important our time with Him is. How's that?!
Have a fun time with your fam this weekend and make LOTS of great memories!
(Be sure and let us know how it goes!!!)
I think I'll go get my Bible now. Thanks for the inspiration and reminder!