Felines and Felons

I never knew that I was allergic to cats.  It could be that I've never really been around cats, because they freak me out.  I don't like the sneaky look in their eyes and how they are so...uh...quiet.  They just are creepy.  In fact, the only cat I have ever loved is Indiana Jones, our current cat, and I only love him because he acts more like a dog.  And Indiana doesn't make me sneeze. 

But....now, apparently, I've developed a feline allergy.  And I discovered it this morning when I was volunteering at the Humane Society.  What?  You volunteered?  Don't get too excited.  My choice would have been to volunteer to drop my kids off at the Humane Society and let them play with the animals while I voluntarily went to WalMart sans little people.  But since I chose to have my children just 10 years ago instead of 15...I had to stay with them.  Dadgum age restrictions. 

Keaton has been bugging me for a week to take him to "volunteer."  He really isn't a philanthropist at heart, and, in fact, was highly disappointed when he found out that no money was involved with volunteerism, but he decided that hanging out with a bunch of animals for a day sounded intriguing.

After putting him off for 4 days straight, I threw on some old nasty clothes this morning and trooped my troop up to the animal cages. 

I don't know how the Humane Society is set up where you live, but ours can only be described by the word "interesting."  And you can interpret that however you see fit.  Ahem.

We were ushered into a room with lots of little rooms full of cats.  Cats.  Cats.  Cats.  And more cats.  Just when I thought I had inventoried all of the sneaky suckers, more would appear.  And just FYI...it doesn't matter how many episodes of Animal Planet's Cats 101 you are forced to sit through....you still will never be prepared enough for that.many.cats.

After a bit, a teenage kid decided to so generously befriend us.  It only took me 3.4 seconds to realize that he was there volunteering his time, as well.  But his community service was that of the more mandatory nature, if you catch my drift.  My head was spinning with the stress of being trapped in a small contained room with twelvity hundred felines and an adolescent felon. 

And I'm pretty sure that both species can smell fear.

I sneaked a peek at my phone to check the time and decided that surely 8 minutes was plenty of volunteer time to put in for one day.  No need to over-do the philanthropy, right?

I began to usher the boys out into a more open space when we were met by a lady that I can only presume was somewhat in charge of the place.  I politely tried to make small talk with her about all the critters and asked how many cats were crashing at the Humane pad.  I was promptly informed that she had no idea and had not counted the cat herd in at least a month.

Ok.  Good to know.

And with that, I pinched Tate, made him cry, and told the cat lady that it was time for us to go because one of the cats had attacked my baby.

I kid.  I kid.


We did make a quick exit shortly after, but not before observing a very nice dog named Henry rip the head off of a squeaky toy rat, and another mandatory volunteer eat a popsicle that was covered in cat hair (I know..because he showed it to me. *shudder*).

On the way home, I asked Keaton what he thought about his, ahem, 14 minutes of volunteer experience. 

His response:  "Um...not exactly what I thought it would be."

Me neither, kid.  Me neither.

And now I need a Benedryl.

And perhaps a shower.

***This post is in no way degrading the work of the Humane Society.  Its mission and purpose is commendable and an important faction of our community.  Please consider adoption if your family is looking to add a pet.


Stephanie said...

You crack me up!

mer@lifeat7000feet said...

I'm with you on cats...and felons.

I'm extremely allergic to cats. Extremely. Within minutes of entering a home where cats reside I start itching, sneezing, and my eyes start leaking while my throat starts closing up. Ick. It's a nice excuse for not having to pet the little critters though. And I keep Claritin or Benadryl (zzzzzzzzzz...) in my purse for emergencies just like I described.

Glad you survived both the felines and the felon. :-)m

theelizabethhighsmith said...

fourteen minutes, you my friend are a champ.
i'd consider that personal torture.
me no speaky animal kingdom
you deserve some sort of humanitarian award

Anonymous said...

A stitch in time saves nine...................................................................

Jim said...

As you know, my problem is that I kinda like cats - we always had a few around the farm, along with dawgs. Strange, I don't remember being allergic to the felines, though I know I handled them a lot. When one makes an approach, and makes its presence known by dusting my trouser legs or buffing my shoes, I have an urge to pet, but I don't, for somewhere along my lifeline I picked up an aversion. If my hand touches the furball, my eyes immediately begin to itch. So I admire them from a safe distance. Now, dawgs are a different story. Here, pooch, come on boy! Now, their tongues and drool! That's a dawg of a different color!


Mich said...

Laughing out loud.

Love the Humane society, for my own baby girl came from there.

What? No pictures of this adventure?

Love ya!

Bridget said...

HAHAHAHA! Indiana Jones is such a pretty kitty! Congratulations on your day of volunteering at the Humane Society.

New Every Morning said...

I started to leave a quippy comment, but the comment just above Jim-Dad kinda stopped me in mid-thought. Ummm..... stitch in time saves nine -- lives???

Luv ya!!!

Kellie said...

I like cats, but The Mister? Not so much. I think its because he is very allergic. He says its because cats aren't always friendly.

We really need a cat right now. Our garage is having a little mouse problem...

Anonymous said...


Carpool Queen said...

The picture looked my dead cat Simba. And now I am sad. And itchy.

Tiffani said...

I actually do like cats...much easier than dogs..but others in my fam would never come see us if we had one...

Nice of you to volunteer even for 14 minutes!

Sandy said...

I could just about visualize this! I would have been freaking out. We had a cat once when my kids were 3 & 8, & after a year I developed an allergy to him. When I asked my doc about it, he said that it takes about a year to develop an allergy to cats (& I had never been around them!) So the cat moved outside... I think you either are or are not a cat person.