Band-Aides

I'm a fixer.  And a peacemaker.

And I usually handle the job well.  I'm swift with an emotional band-aide and quick on my feet to become the center of attention (not in a weird way) to divert a tense or potentially awkward situation.  I will put myself out there to lighten the mood or take the heat....just for the sake of NO CONFRONTATION.

Confrontation terrifies me.

Like break out in cold sweat, throw up in my mouth a little, and shake like the dickens -- terrify me.  And I will go to great lengths to avoid it. 

And it isn't just about me.  I go to the same lengths for those around me.  All for the sake of peace.

But what I've discovered is that though I felt I was being the hero of a group by constantly bringing peace and cordiality to the whole, I might have actually been harming it.  Because there are times that people just need to be honest.  And open.  And not hide behind silly stories and funny anecdotes.  No matter how much squirmage ensues.

My disdain for confrontation in all shapes and sizes has reached a new level this week.  I've squirmed in my chair more times this week than I have in my entire life.  I've tried to be a band-aide.  And a fixer.  And a peacemaker.  But it didn't work.

And though I am trying to talk myself into believing that I'm a failure, I'm also beginning to realize that it isn't me.  That sometimes situations come that aren't fixable.  That some people aren't willing to allow peace.  That band-aides sometimes are useless.

So though I'm hurting for my own feelings that have been hurt, as well as those of my dear friends, I'm trying to count it all as joy.

Because sometimes peace doesn't mean everyone stays together.

Sometimes peace means walking away.  And sometimes peace means staying put and letting the other party walk away.  Sometimes fixing a problem means choosing to act like a mature adult and not involve yourself in tactics and scenarios that are adolescent in nature.  

And sometimes being the glue that tends to hold people together means to sometimes allow the two pieces to go. 

And know that it is time to just walk away. 

And allow God to do His job.  Because He is the ultimate fixer.  And peace-giver.  And his love and provision is greater than any bandaide.