I'm a fixer.  And a peacemaker.

And I usually handle the job well.  I'm swift with an emotional band-aide and quick on my feet to become the center of attention (not in a weird way) to divert a tense or potentially awkward situation.  I will put myself out there to lighten the mood or take the heat....just for the sake of NO CONFRONTATION.

Confrontation terrifies me.

Like break out in cold sweat, throw up in my mouth a little, and shake like the dickens -- terrify me.  And I will go to great lengths to avoid it. 

And it isn't just about me.  I go to the same lengths for those around me.  All for the sake of peace.

But what I've discovered is that though I felt I was being the hero of a group by constantly bringing peace and cordiality to the whole, I might have actually been harming it.  Because there are times that people just need to be honest.  And open.  And not hide behind silly stories and funny anecdotes.  No matter how much squirmage ensues.

My disdain for confrontation in all shapes and sizes has reached a new level this week.  I've squirmed in my chair more times this week than I have in my entire life.  I've tried to be a band-aide.  And a fixer.  And a peacemaker.  But it didn't work.

And though I am trying to talk myself into believing that I'm a failure, I'm also beginning to realize that it isn't me.  That sometimes situations come that aren't fixable.  That some people aren't willing to allow peace.  That band-aides sometimes are useless.

So though I'm hurting for my own feelings that have been hurt, as well as those of my dear friends, I'm trying to count it all as joy.

Because sometimes peace doesn't mean everyone stays together.

Sometimes peace means walking away.  And sometimes peace means staying put and letting the other party walk away.  Sometimes fixing a problem means choosing to act like a mature adult and not involve yourself in tactics and scenarios that are adolescent in nature.  

And sometimes being the glue that tends to hold people together means to sometimes allow the two pieces to go. 

And know that it is time to just walk away. 

And allow God to do His job.  Because He is the ultimate fixer.  And peace-giver.  And his love and provision is greater than any bandaide.


mimi said...

Yep, and sometimes just letting Him know that you choose peace...brings some peace. Y'know? I've had many thoughts about peacemaking this week(because of a family situation I have going on). Peacemaker is a word I've used or thought about daily...and now your post(I find that so cool!).

I also had a semi-confrontation this week(because of the peacemaking stuff) and shook in my boots while doing so! Bottom line...I feel ya girlfriend ;)

Mich said...

I love you.

I wish I could help, but unfortunately you and I are made a lot alike...

I will be praying for you guys.

Call me when you get a chance.

Tiffani said...

Oh my sweet dear girl. I love you. I'm proud of you. I KNOW exactly how you feel.

Praying for a peace that is bigger than anything you can imagine and His love will indeed be a balm for your soul.

Jim said...

Would you believe, as I was reading this, Ray and I are sharing the Prophet's Room at the Association in Paducah, KY. I had some minor surgery on the back of my head yesterday - a spot the doc wanted to biopsy and it left a "frankenstein-like" inch and a half stitched wound. I can't see it or reach it so Ray is the doc while we are here in Revival. So "band-aide" was curiously appropo to our situation, too. I'm healing nicely, I think.

Your blog on being a peacemaking band-aide is right on target. Some times the best is walk away. It's amazing what the Lord can and will do in many situations when we do. Not all He cures though He cares. Our choice He does not violate.

Thanks for being my reminder of some truths I need to consider.

Love You,

Gretchen said...

I'm sorry, Amber. For in the letting go, before there is peace, life usually sucks for a bit. But you're right on target. I'm here for you. xxxooo

Anonymous said...

You are becoming very wise.

Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for someone is to let them take responsibility of their own stuff....even if it's not very peaceful.

Musings of a Homeschooling Mom said...

I'm a confrontation hater! To the point that most of the time in my life I have let people walk all over me to avoid confrontation. I needed to read this today.

Thank you for sharing your heart.


Carpool Queen said...

I'm a fixer as well, and no where is that more evident than in my own family. The hardest thing for me to do is sit back and be quiet and let my kids feel the sting of the truth.

Good stuff, friend.

Elizabeth said...

I wouldn't describe myself as a peacemaker, but only because I tend to ignore the situation as long as possible. That's not good either. In fact, that passivity can do just as much damage. But we're both learning that sometimes the answer is to just let things be, at least as much as we can. As I take responsibility for my own actions, I'm realizing that others need to do the same, and sometimes my avoidance keeps that from happening. I don't know if that makes sense-this post has just really gotten me thinking.

Kellie said...

Excellent post. Thanks for sharing your heart and being transparent. I'm not confrontational either, it helps to hear how other have dealt with this issues in life and gotten through!

Cathy said...

I love your heart.

And I can't wait to talk to you all.day.long. about EVERYTHING under the sun.

I completely and totally understand the "walk away" part. God's been showing me that it's ok to walk away and let Him work in hearts.

See you SOON...

theelizabethhighsmith said...

i can so be a band-aide pusher too. i admire your honesty in posting something we all do but rarely admit to or discuss. there is no band-aide like God's grace. I'll say a prayer for God's grace in this situation.

Jennifer said...

Beautifully written. Really, really well-done.


Becca~TimeWellSpent said...

Our feelings on confrontation are exactly the same! I will go to all kinds of lengths to avoid it.
It's hard to see someone else and have ourselves go through tough situations that can't be fixed. Keep trusting the Lord!