Stories About the Husband. He'll Kill Me Later.

The husband often despises the fact that I'm a blogger.

And it doesn't really have anything to do with the fact that I blab personal details about our family all over cyberspace.  Or that I talk about all of you people like you live next door to me, and he often times has to have me clarify who exactly I'm talking about. 

Really what irritates him is that I parade pictures around of him, make snide comments about him never smiling, and tell embarrassing stories about him....all without his permission.  And I've thought about being a teensy bit more respectful of him and his feelings, but if I did that then you wouldn't know about this:

1)  That on Halloween night we had just arrived back home, and the boys were stripping off their costumes...and I was digging in their candy buckets stealing all the chocolate checking all the pieces for safety.  We have a motion sensor light as our porch light, and though we had it turned off because we weren't home that night, it had popped on when we came home.  We hadn't been home 5 minutes and the doorbell rang.  Trick-or-Treater.  So, Kirk went to the door and TOLD THE PRINCESS THAT WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY CANDY AND SENT THE PRINCESS AWAY.  Oh yes he did.  All while I was sitting at the table stuffing my face with Laffy Taffy and Crunch Bars. 

2)  That he laid in bed and thought about that poor princess all night long.  And felt terrible.  And when I joked that her big brothers were going to come back and toilet paper our house that night, he decided that that would, in fact, make him feel better.  And even contemplated going and rolling our house himself.

3)  That I love to watch him get dressed in the morning.  Now...don't let your mind get all wandery.  It isn't what you are thinking.  It is because it is so ding dang comical.  The man walks back and forth between his closet and his dresser no less than 78 times.  He puts shirts on top of shirts because he forgets that he already put a shirt on.  Same with socks.  He'll be telling me about what he's going to do at the gym (he goes every morning before work) while putting on work clothes.  And then he'll realize what he's doing and have to undress and put on gym clothes.  He will be fully dressed and go to the closet, turn the light on, and just stare at his clothes.  And then he'll remember that he's already dressed, turn the light off, and head out of the room.
It.cracks.me.up.  And it makes my days start off just marvelously.

4)  That his favorite word is "literally."  And he uses it a.lot.  Literally.

5)  That he taps his foot when he is talking all smarty.  I can always tell when he's being thinky, because his feet just start a-tappin'.

6)  That all his friends call him the Redneck Physicist.  And it is the truth.  He is the only man I know who can discuss the art of guttin' deer using the Theory of Relativity.  And all while tappin' his foot.  Literally.

Now...before you go off thinking I'm being all disrespectful of my man, I'm not.  I adore him like crazy.  And already warned him ahead of time that I was going to "out" him.  He's just decided to roll with it. 

Because you know what is the best thing about my man?  He is the kindest, gentlest, most compassionate man I've ever met.  He is funny and witty and smart.  And he loves us.

And even though he turns little princesses away...he is amazing.  Literally.