11.11.2009

Self-Diagnosis. And Way Too Much Internet Reading.

So...I've been researching.  GASP.  I know.  I know.  I find it shocking as well.

But I decided that it was high-time to do some self-diagnosis.

Because I have a problem.  Well, lots of problems.  But this one bugs the snot out of me.

I think I have A.D.D.  You know, the attention problem that all the "bad" kids at school have. 

No. Seriously.  I do.

See...look.  This is what I found:

Individuals with ADHD essentially have problems with self-regulation and self-motivation, predominantly due to problems with distractibility, procrastination, organization, and prioritization.
Uh.Huh.  That's me.  Seriously.

I also found this:
In adults, these [symptoms] evolve into:
Procrastination
Indecision, difficulty recalling and organizing details required for a task
Poor time management, losing track of time
Avoiding tasks or jobs that require sustained attention
Difficulty initiating tasks
Difficulty completing and following through on tasks
Difficulty multitasking
Difficulty shifting attention from one task to another
This is me, y'all.  To a T.

Procrastination?  Check.  Like every day that I clean up the bar in my kitchen (these aren't consecutive days, mind you) I find a stack of the boys' sports pictures.  Like packets and packets.  Basketball.  Baseball.  Soccer.  And every day that I find those pictures, I think, Man, I really need to sit down and send these to grandparents and get these in frames in their rooms.  Um...I have pictures from 2008 in that stack.  And laundry that has been in my laundry room for a year now.  And closets that need to be cleaned out.  But they aren't.  Because....I have decided to do it tomorrow.

Indecision?  Check.  I couldn't make a decision to save my life.  Unless it is about which brand of macaroni and cheese to buy.  That I can do.  Past that...no dice.

Poor time management?  Check.  Evidenced by the millions of minutes that I can tick away reading blogs and facebooking and tweeting and instant messaging all of the same people.  And the millions of minutes that I do not spend on my laundry.  I have, however, mastered the art of computering and watching tv.  But I have a feeling that that doesn't really count.  Although it makes perfect sense to me.

Avoiding tasks or jobs that require sustained attention?  Uh. Double check.  Sustained attention like scrapbooking.  And journaling.  And, very shamefully, quiet times.  Because I know that I'll get "bored" easily and won't follow through...so why bother?

Difficulty initiating tasks?  Check.  I don't initiate.  Because I'm scared I won't follow through.  Because nine times out of ten, I won't.  It's not that I don't want to...I just know better.  Like my jewelry business that I started last year.  Um...ask me when the last time was that I made a piece of jewelry. 

Difficulty completing and following through on tasks?  Check.  Just read what I just wrote up there.  Follow through?  What's that?  In fact, this blog is the ONLY thing that I've actually been able to follow through on with any kind of consistency.  And I'm nervous everyday that it will go away.

Difficulty multitasking?  Triple check.  I can chew gum and walk at the same time but that is the extent of my multitasking.  Oh.  And that whole computer and tv thing.  I can't even keep the washer and dryer running while we do school every morning.  Can't talk on the phone and do anything but pace.  Can't maintain a conversation and fold laundry.  I just can't. 

Difficulty shifting attention from one task to another? Check.  And most of the time it is because I forgot what the next task is that I'm supposed to be doing. 

In all seriousness, I really believe I have some issues.  I can't remember anything; go through extreme periods of complacency; and will lose a train of though mid-sentence.

So, I'm going to go to the doctor.  And I'm going to ask them to test me. 

And if it comes back that I'm not what I've diagnosed myself with....well.....then.....

I guess I'm pretty much tanked.

If I can remember that I'm supposed to be tanked, that is.



*quotations found here*

10 comments:

Kendra said...

That's me, too. I diagnosed myself years ago, since I worked for years with the mental health field I was able to easily read the writing on the wall.

And I was not always this way. I blame hormones. When my hormones shifted in to down drive, so did my brain. You've had three kids. You know what those pregnancy hormones did to your brain. It's true, having kids makes you lose your mind!

I tell Wayne over and over that I am like those "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" books. If you give me a vacuum, then I'm going to want to dust first. And if I'm going to dust, then I have to put away the things stacked on my dresser. And in putting away the things stacked on my dresser, I remember that I have Sam's laundry to be folded. So I fold his laundry. When I go to his room to put the laundry away, I discover a pile of library books that are over due. So I take them downstairs to put them on the bar. When I take them downstairs, I remember that I need to unload the dishwasher. So I start to unload the dishwasher. As I put away the pots and pans, I remember that I have not figured out what to make for supper yet..."

Housework is a viscous cycle to an ADD brain, is it not?

Elizabeth said...

I sort of giggled at this at first, but I didn't because I know you're serious. And I know where you're coming from. It's not a funny thing when you're experiencing it. I'm sorry, because I can hear your frustration and, maybe, fear. I think I'd be scared that I would always be this way (which I am much of the time. I just hide it well).

I'm glad you're going to the dr. I think she'll help you realize that what you're experiencing is really normal and that there are so many things that can help you. I know a couple of great doctors in LR if you want their names.

You can call me too! I love that I'm on your "in-skin" friend list. I can't wait to see you at christmastime! Because I AM going to see you at Christmastime, right?!

Beam Me Up Scotty said...

Oh my goodness! When Kendra started describing herself as being like the book "If You Give A Mouse A Cookie", I was like "YES!! That's me". Perfect analogy. I have always wondered if all women are this crazy in the way they get things done. I was "checking" along with ya on 9 out of 10 symptoms.
I hope you get some answers, or guidance, or direction or at least some peace of mind about what's going on!!
I'll say extra prayer for ya!

Kelly

Tiffani said...

Oh girl, I know it's frustrating and I do agree with Kendra that something happens to us after having children that just makes everything wild!

I'm praying for you and you know I'll be right here figurin' things out with you! I love you like crazy!

Mich said...

Gosh! We could be sisters... oh wait, we are. Sorry sis, but I think you take after me.

Love you bunches!

Jim said...

Amb,
Not sure where to go with this one, babe! Frankly, a lot of the things you describe fit me, too, and I'm pretty sure I'm not ADD. I asked DR. MOM just now if she thought you were ADD, and her DIAGNOSIS was a big NO! She said she'd taught ADD students in school and from her raising of you, it's a definite that you are not ADD. I sense you are not looking at a lot of the other qualities and characteristic of your life close enough. From what I can see, you've got some great down.to.earth priorities that took decision-making and discipline to effect. There goes three of your list out the window!

I know, I know, I've got a doctor's degree but IT'S NOT THE KIND THAT CAN HELP ANYBODY. (so stated the youngster whose dad was preacher to a friend whose dad was an MD) I do hope I'm helping you.
Anyway, from my perspective on the matter, you don't fit the profile.

I love you and who you are. I hope you don't medicate that away.

Jim-Dad

Jenny said...

I don't know you. At all really. But you sound like the typical American homeschooling mama to me. Granted, I'm not an MD or anything but we ALL go through this to one degree or another.

I am a HUGE advocate that ADD and ADHD are over diagnosed in this country. I do believe it's real, however. Be sure to talk to your friendly neighborhood Naturopath. He can help you find foods that can enhance your thinkability.

But that's just me... ;)

Cathy said...

Girl...you. me. same. But we've already established that.

And I had to chuckle a bit at the piles upon piles of sports and school packets that HAVEN'T SENT THEMSELVES YET....because as I type, I am standing next to one such pile.

Love ya, my fellow ADD friend.

Michele said...

Yet. . . you organize your jewelry box? Just sayin'.

Seriously though, I find the older that I get the harder time I have with multitasking. I used to could talk on the phone, cook dinner, fold laundry, and referee b/t the kids all at the same time. . . These days I have a tough time chewing bubble gum and walking.

Hope you get it all figured out!

New Every Morning said...

You and my mother would have so much to talk about. She self-diagnosed the same thing and her doctor agreed. Medication can be a beautiful thing. ;)

I totally agree about the tv-ing and computering. The perfect multitasking combo.

I must, must must comment about your comment on CPQ's giveaway. A slice of bread? Really? There's really more to life, girl.