Blog Review -- This Is Your Brain On Joy

Skeptical cannot even begin to describe my feeling about This Is Your Brain On Joy. When I first picked up this book by Dr. Earl Henslin, I was almost dreading the read. I had flipped through the pages and saw a lot of lists and a lot of pictures of brain scans. Boring. Or so I thought. And then I began to read.

This book completely captivated me. Dr. Henslin writes with a humor and down-to-earth style that, not only is interesting to read, but made a very difficult subject matter (with a lot of technical terms) very easy to understand. What I enjoyed most about the book was his VERY practical listing of steps and advice to improve brain health. He details in length various mental disorders and brain problems, but (unlike many books) gives solutions and ways to reverse some of the negative attributes. He gives suggestions for medications and diet, but what struck me as even more useful were his suggestions for Scriptures to read, prayers to pray, music to listen to , movies to watch, exercises to practice, and a host of other suggestions.

This book was incredibly insightful for me. It gave me a new view on different disorders that people may have, and it was interesting to evaluate my own brain health.

Are There Frat Parties In 1st Grade That I Don't Know About?

Bless my sweet Sawyer's heart.

He is by the far the most affectionate and most outgoing of all my boys. Very charming. Very athletic. Very freckled faced and red headed, and all the things that go with those traits. Stubborn? Yep. Hot tempered? Yep. Cute as a bug? Yep.

He is also the one of my boys that I most worry about as he gets older. He is terrifyingly concerned with what others think of him and always seems to be on a quest for coolness. He wants to dress like his friends, walk like his friends, talk like his friends, and hit a baseball like his friends. Individuality is not at the top of his list of priorities at all.

I foresee peer pressure being a major issue with him in the future, and pray constantly for him in those areas.

Kirk and I have joked (to keep us from going crazy with worry!) about Sawyer in high school and college. We already receive enough flack about our last name (think it through...it'll come to you!), and we can only imagine a big, beefy people-person like Sawyer with our last name being the life of many a party. Scary, I know. Hence the prayer.

So, you can imagine our faces when we see THIS the other night come out of the bathroom:




Yes. That is Sawyer. In a toga. That he tied himself. I promise that we have never showed the boy how to tie a toga, nor have any idea as to where he discovered this very frightening talent.

Oh, we're in trouble.

Hard to Admit Realness

I'm debating on how honest to be right now. I feel a lot of pressure to keep this blog upbeat and fun, but I'm not feeling really upbeat and fun right now. But, I feel a real need to be authentic and genuine.

So I've started this post 14 and 1 times. I've tried to blog about something cute my kids did and deleted it. I tried blogging about me buying green M&Ms yesterday and deleted it. I tried blogging about all my dirty laundry and the monster that lives in my dryer but deleted it. I have even shut my computer and said, "Not today."

But, I'm back. Because I've decided that not all blogs have to be happy all the time. That being real people in real marriages with real jobs with real kids is, well, real. And real isn't happy all the time.

I'm a mom. A really real mom. I love my kids from the stars and back, and find myself in awe that God would find me worthy enough to entrust these angels to me. I love tickle parties, bedtime prayers, and snuggling. But I yell, I scream, and I lose my temper more than I should. In fact, I made Keaton cry night before last. Talk about a knife to the heart. I went to bed that night praying that I hadn't crushed his spirit. I woke him up to ask his forgiveness. I held him while we both cried some more.

I'm a wife. A really real wife. I love to be romanced and get aggravated when I'm not. I say things I don't mean and can make myself crazy by letting thoughts run wild in my head. I've imagined my life without my husband, but can't imagine my life without him in the very same moment. I've cried myself to sleep many a night for him, and laughed till I've cried with him.
At the end of the day, I can't believe how lucky I am. I'm certainly undeserving.

I'm a child of God. I've run and hid from my Father more times than I've run to Him. I have a strong desire to be in step with the Word, but am okay with admitting that I don't get it right most of the time. I rest easy in the knowledge that He loves me anyway. His love is the most perfect love that I've ever known.

I'm a friend. I don't return phone calls like I should and am a terrible hostess. In fact, I'm not a hostess. Hostessing makes me break out in a cold sweat. I love that I have friends that fill that role for me, but have left feeling like scum because I don't ever reciprocate. I love to laugh and love to cry with my friends. I like to know their secrets and like them to know mine. I'm so blessed to have real friends with real problems and real hurts. Because we're real....we work.

I'm guilty of being lazy. I watch way too much tv and spend way too much time on the computer. I have walked past a sticky koolaide spot on the kitchen floor to watch The Bachelor, and I have left clothes in the washer until they stink because I was busy on FaceBook. I've also rewashed that same load of clothes 2 or 3 times for that same reason. I've turned cartoons on in one room for my kids and watched my shows in another room, And then have cried myself to sleep for not spending enough time with my boys.

I'm an approval seeker. I've shopped for certain clothes with others' reactions in mind. I've bought shoes because someone else said I should. I've cut my hair to be like someone else, and I've recut my hair to be like someone else. I've said things and held my tongue all with others in mind. I've succumbed to peer pressure more times than I can count, and have made decisions in my life for people that now I can't even remember their names. I have a terrible time saying "No," but a remarkably easy time being a doormat. I've wondered what it would be like to be one who didn't care what other people think. Don't ever see myself there.


I could sit here all day. I could tell you about how I'm a non-decision maker, a hypochondriac, and a girl who lets fear rule a huge chunk of her life. But not today. This was enough soul-searching for one day.

I'm real. Very real. Pathetically real. Amazingly real.

With that off my chest, I'm ready to go start my very real day. Hoping for happy.

You're Invited....To A Pity Party

Can I tell you how tired I am?

Sawyer started throwing up last night right as I was getting the boys ready for bed. I knew something was up when he didn't want to eat anything for dinner...and it was mac-n-cheese (our favorite food!). He's been going strong every 15 or 20 minutes since about 10:30 last night. Still going this morning. Poor guy. He is by far the best one of my kids when it comes to being sick. No crying. No whining. Just puppydog eyes staring at me. So pitiful. Bless his heart. I hope he is all better soon.

Because I'm so exhausted from zero sleep, my mind is a little crazy this morning. I have also found time to throw myself a little pity party throughout the night and morning. And I thought I would invite you. Feeling lucky, aren't ya?

I had to call into work sick again. Again. I hate missing work so much. I hate it. I hate leaving people in a lurch, and I hate knowing that I'm the cause of someone else's inconvenience or stress. But, I have no idea what to do about it.

Because I'm it. I'm the only one here to stay home with the kids if they get sick. Kirk's job requires him to travel so much, and when he is in town he is tied up with meetings and phone conferences all the time. His position doesn't allow him to take off at the drop of the hat. He just can't. I came to that realization a long time ago. It isn't like it is easy to take off from my job either, but I'm a mom. I think it boils down to just that.

We also have ZERO family here to help us. None. Not even a great aunt hiding in a little house somewhere who could take a turn watching a sick baby in a pinch. Nothing. All of our parents are hours and hours away from us....way too far to drive a sick little person to and then still make it to work by 8. Not going to happen. I get so tired of people complaining about their family members that live in the same town as them. They have no idea how good they have it. I have nobody. Nobody. Let me repeat. Nobody. I would gladly put up with a nosey mother-in-law to have some help. Any day.

We have great friends. We really do. But I would NEVER ask my friends to take on another kid for the day, especially one who is throwing up or running fever. No way. Even if they told me I could....I wouldn't.

So....here I sit. Waiting on Sawyer to throw up again. Bless his heart. I know he is exhausted.
And while I'm waiting....I'm pouting. And worrying. And feeling lousy for once again feeling like I'm letting everyone else down.

I know that my kids and my family are my first priority. I do. But, it doesn't make it easier to know the headache I'm giving everyone else when I'm gone.

Now I feel bad for inviting you to my pity party. So sorry. But sometimes it is just easier to vent and talk it through.

More Therapy

I took Tate in to see the Good Doctor today, and as usual, he was suddenly healed as soon as we walked in the door. What is up with that? He kept me up all night hacking and sneezing; was completely listless yesterday; and has refused to eat anything for the past 24 hours...but, miracles of miracles, we walked in the door of the Good Doctor's office AND he was instantly healed. I don't know why we even bother with meds....just enter the threshold of the clinic. Seems to work everytime.

In addition to being wiped out from the long night, I am dealing with a frustrating situation with someone that I used to call my friend. Hurt feelings is an understatement. I'm so tired of being a doormat.

While I was trying to stay awake and wipe the shoeprints off my face, I ran across a couple of cute YouTube videos. I don't know what struck me about this one in particular, but I laughed out loud when I saw it. In fact, I'm still giggling. I love the little British accent of the oldest brother, and I love that the baby snickers at the sight of his brother's red finger.

Humor me by watching what made me giggle today. Maybe you'll laugh, too.





Still giggling. Love the way that kid says, "Cha-lie bit mae." Wonder what I can do to get Tate to start talking like that.

(Go here if you want to see what parents do when they have TOO much time on their hands!)

Uncrazy-ing Me

Confirmed. I have the best kids ever. Don't even try to argue your case that yours are better than mine....it's not even worth the effort! I have proof!

Exhibit A -- When Tate did this.

Exhibit B -- Happened today. Here's how it all went down...

It all started with my van being TRASHED out. I mean nasty gross. Just ask Lisa, Stephanie, and Melissa....they had to sit on the funky french fries last night. Talk about embarrassing. I don't care how many times someone tells you that their car is gross, too....it just doesn't take the horror out of giving your friends a ride in filth. Ew. (So sorry, girls....really.)

Anyway...so the car was N.A.S.T.Y. I have been complaining about it for several days now, but haven't found the time to go and clean it out. I'm weird about cleaning out the car at home. I'd much rather take it to the carwash and clean out all the trash there and then use their super duper vacuums to suck up all the stray M&Ms and forgotten Happy Meal parts (shhhh...don't tell my kids!).

So, detouring by the carwash hasn't made it into our schedule these past few days (okay....weeks), so the Great Red Bomb has continually grown grosser and funkier. And my whining and griping about it has grown louder and longer.

This afternoon after school, Keaton asked if he could play outside when we got home. I was exhausted after dealing with Tate all day (he was sick on his field trip....can you believe it? Sick. Ugh.....so like us.), and I really didn't care what the kids did, as long as my afternoon involved the recliner. So I sent him outside.

I noticed that he came in the house several times, and I heard the kitchen cabinets slam shut a couple of times. Really didn't think too much of it behind my dozey eyelids.

Before too long, I was being shaken awake by Keaton who was grinning from ear to ear. He was yanking my arm to get out of the chair and come with him outside. Now usually this means that I'm going to witness a new tree climbing strategy or some fortress that has been erected in my yard made out of trash and splintery planks of scrap wood (hello, tetanus!)....and I was fulling expecting a similar scenario this afternoon.

But, oh...I was in for a treat!

This precious little angel boy led me straight to the Great Red Bomb and proudly opened the doors. HE HAD CLEANED MY CAR!

Oh, yes, he did. He had cleared it of all the funky french fries, old Sunday School papers, and even the extra articles of clothing that had found their way into the car. There were no more Sonic straw wrappers or half-eaten honeybuns. He even vacuumed. Like really vacuumed....not just the rush job either. He even sprayed some of my body spray in there....he said he didn't know what else to use to make it smell good (is that not the sweetest?!).

I asked Keaton what made him think to do that, and he said, "You've been talking about how the the dirty car makes you crazy, so I thought I'd surprise you by uncrazy-ing you." I heart that boy.

What in the world did I do to deserve such pampering by my fellas?! They are the best. They are going to make fabulous husbands....

See....I told you I had the best kids ever! Talk about feeling loved and appreciated.


***After I already had this post written, Exhibit C happened. Sawyer brought me a love note tonight. Complete with a piece of gum (new!) wrapped inside. Then he serenaded me on his guitar with "Frosty the Snowman." I treasure these days....so much.***

You think they will still brush my hair, clean my car, and write me love notes when they are teenagers? Gosh, I hope so.

My IF Would Involve Peanuts and Seatbelts

I'm a reality tv junkie.

This afternoon my remote landed me watching this funky little show about people who are getting a chance to be "remade." It is a makeover show of sorts, but the people are also being coached by experts in their field of choice, so that they can reinvent themselves. Right now, there is a punk rocker girl who is going through the training to be a pageant queen.

As quirky and funky as the show is, it got me thinking about the concept behind it all. What would I want to become if I could totally reinvent myself? To become someone else.

I can think of a million things that seem lots of fun. An actress. A singer. A professional dancer. A contestant on Survivor. An NFL cheerleader. Jennifer Aniston.

But, those are totally unrealistic for me. I like to eat carbs way too much to be any of those things. And the one that is the most realistic for me, Survivor, is a no go....because I hate snakes and rats, can't eat fish, and can't stand to be hot and sweaty.

So, I decided that if I could be totally reinvented....I would be a flight attendant! This has been a secret little dream of mine for a long time. I think that seems like the best job ever! You get to be all cute and perky; travel the world; and eat those yummy Biscoff cookies all day long. Sounds fabulous to me!

Confession: I have privately practiced my hand gestures for the job. I can signal Exit doors like nobody's business!

I also think I would do a fabulous job pushing the snack/drink cart. Not to mention those preppy little outfits that they wear. Ah...bliss. And the speech about returning your seat to an upright position and properly stowing your carry-on luggage....totally think I could handle that!

So...what about you? If you could reinvent yourself, who would you be? C'mon....this is fun!!

Peanuts? Coffee? And don't forget to fasten your seatbelt.