3.10.2010

Sawyer....



Today is the day that the tears are here.

I've held it in all week....and now the dam has burst.  I've been dreading this day.

I've been waiting to put a post up about what our lives have revolved around for the past 5 days, not because it was some huge secret, but because I was still just trying to process what all has happened. 

I'm not going to go into laborious detail here, basically because I don't know what to say.  It's a lot of detail and big words, and right now I'm just tired.

Here's the nutshell:

Sawyer sustained a neck injury while playing soccer last Saturday morning. Since then we have been through x-rays, a CT Scan, and an MRI. 

Again, I'm trying to not go into a huge amount of detail here, but basically the results are good news.  There is nothing life threatening, which we praise Jesus for, but the tests have showed that Sawyer has a condition that is most likely the source.

Sawyer is, however, in a significant amount of pain, and right now there is nothing to do be done about the pain except medication.

We are awaiting an appointment with a neurologist so that he can evaluate Sawyer's condition and advise us as to what the next step is. 

The waiting game is the hardest.

My baby wants to do nothing but lay in bed.  He struggles with any kind of movement that requires strain of his neck, and our nights are filled with endless sobs.  His normal 7 year old self should be out practicing baseball with his team today or helping his brothers work on the fort in the woods, but instead he is home struggling to even get out of the bed to use the restroom.

I'm struggling with perspective.  I'm so grateful for the knowledge that Sawyer is safe; that his life isn't in jeopardy; and that, most likely, our son will return to his old self.  But I know that there are parents that are saying goodbye to their babies today; that are watching their children slip away.  And so I struggle.  I know that it could be worse.  Much worse.  But when I see Sawyer scream in pain, it feels like the end of the world to me.

My emotions are high.  I'm physically and emotionally drained.  And the tears won't stop today. 

If we come to your mind, please say a prayer for Sawyer.  And for urgency on the doctors' part.  And for peace for the rest of us.

We're trying to stay strong for Sawyer.

But right now, Sawyer is the one staying strong for all of us.

He's amazing, that kid. 

30 comments:

Mary @ Simple Things said...

There is nothing that a mother fears more than having something bad happen to her child. Just the memory of my son in agony following a minor surgery years ago can still bring tears to my eyes. Your family, and especially your little man, will be in my prayers.

Mich said...

I love you! You know I'm always here for you.

Alison said...

Praying for you!

Angie said...

We're praying with you for Sawyer's full recovery! We know God is holding you all in His mighty arms and will give you the grace you need to meet every trial. So let those tears flow! Feel the sweet release and know that God will give you "gladness for mourning and peace for despair..." (Isaiah)

Love you Amber!!!

Kelli Mc. said...

Even when you know that all will be well, it is still so very difficult to watch your child live in pain while you wait for resolution. I'm sure you are worried and exhausted and frustrated - all with good reason. I've been thinking of you and your family wishing you strength and peace until this is all behind you. Hoping for speedy answers and recovery for Sawyer and his whole family. Hang in there!

Kendra said...

My heart breaks for him and you guys. You were the only one there for me from church when Sam was sick in the hospital. And I wish I could return the favor, but prayers are all I can give from here. I am praying for freedom from pain for him. As a person who lives in chronic pain every day, I've learned to ignore it, but I cannot imagine how much it hurts for him and such a young age. And I am praying for wise doctors who know what they can do to help heal him.

Cathy said...

I'm in full support of letting the cry out.

Love ya.

Praying.

The Bowden's said...

Oh my goodness! Definitely praying! Poor little guy, and bless the rest of you! Keep us posted!

Becky said...

Praying for you all. Hope that the medication will start to help some. I would be an emotional mess too.

Jennifer said...

Oh my sweet friend, my heart hurts for you both!!

I'm thankful for the good news that has been received so far, but know that having to wait to see the neurologist is so frustrating!!

And those ding dang rude receptionists are helping matters either!!! GRRRRRR!!

Praying for healing and most especially for peace until this whole thing is over!!

I love ya!!

Jennifer said...

Okay...that should have said "those ding dang receptionists AREN'T helping!!"

But you know what I meant!!

Musings of a Homeschooling Mom said...

Praying for y'all. Praying pain leaves soon and Sawyer has a fast recovery.

Stephanie said...

Praying!

Jessica said...

Poor little dude =( Praying for you guys!

mer@lifeat7000feet said...

I've been praying and praying and praying, Amber. And this post just makes me wish I could snap my fingers and make it all better. Or snap my fingers and be there to give you a break. Hang in there, friend!

Marla Taviano said...

Praying for that gorgeous little man, Amber! And for all of you! Love you!

Carpool Queen said...

I know.

Mandy said...

Amber, I am so sorry. I cannot imagine what you are going through, seeing your baby in such pain. Praying, praying, praying!

New Every Morning said...

It's okay to have a good cry. It will make you feel cleansed. Puffy eyes are allowed, too.
I'm so proud of you. When times like this hit, I often think "shouldn't someone else be the parent right now?" You are the best parent for Sawyer (and your other boys) and the perfect Parent is holding you in his arms.

Love you, my friend. Sending hugs across the miles.

Lindsay said...

Amber, I can't imagine how hard this time is for all of you. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Let me know if there's something I (and your church family) can do.

Corey said...

I will be keeping Sawyer, and the rest of your family in my prayers...

Corey said...

By the way...that was Christi...not Corey! (I'm signed in on the wrong account!) :)

Nina Diane said...

oh Amber...hugs and prayers for all of you. I am so sorry that Sawyer is in pain and for all of the family. good thoughts coming to you from me....stay strong.

Jo said...

Sweetie, I wish I could be there to just wrap my arms around you right now! I know how hard it is to see your little man in such pain. A mother feels so helpless. I wish they could get him in sooner to see the neurosurgeon. Maybe a miracle will happen. I called and told Rich about Saw the other night, and it upset him and he said "Mom, I'm going to pray for him." I did too and I'm still praying. I know that Keaton and Tate are doing well at Grammy's house, so that will maybe allow you to get some much needed rest.
I love you all so much.

Aunt Jo

Kay @ Off the Beaten Path said...

Oh Amber, I'll just be honest with you, I hate stuff like this. I hate painful ordeals with our kids. I hate not getting answers quickly...or ever. I hate medical problems of all sorts, especially when they hit close to home. Don't you just hate it too? I know you do.

But you're also being such a good mom. So brave and loving and precious. You hang in there sweet girl and know that obviously many people care and are praying for you, many who, like me, have never even met you, but we care. I'm plain out sorry you're going through this and very sorry Sawyer is hurting so. I've prayed for you all and I will again. Take care.

Gretchen said...

Standing firm. Lurve you muchly. God is good, & He gave all the rascals an amazing mom!!! Xxxxooo

Bridget said...

Hi Amber! I am popping over from Mich's blog and I love your blog as much as hers.

I am so sorry that Sawyer is having such a tough time. I wantede to let you know that I am saying prayers for him.

It's nice to find another Arkansas blogger! We live in Northwest AR.

Tiffani said...

i feel bad because i'm just now reading this BUT i'm glad that blog posts aren't what keep us connected...and i've been able to pray, cry and pray some more right with you...

i don't have to tell you...but i love you and that precious red head who loves me ;)

Becca~TimeWellSpent said...

Oh Amber! I am just now reading this and I want you to know I lifted Sawyer and you and your family up in prayer as soon as I read it!
Blessings to you sweet (bloggy) friend and I pray Sawyer gets good, restful sleep tonight.

mimi said...

Oh how scary Amber! I'm just reading this now too...I don't get online much anymore. I came by for a visit and saw the praise up top...came down here to read what had happened. My word...praise God that he is ok.