Honey, I'm Home

The husband has now been off of work for five days.

And we haven't done anything.

Which is so incredibly weird for us.

Usually if he's off of work for vacation time, then we are traveling. Sleeping in different beds. Eating different food. Packing on the miles to Ye Ole Red Bombe.

But during these five days, the only time that any of us left our premises was to go to a baseball practice, to Wal-Mart, and to the Farm Store. Oh..and the one time that the husband got called to work at 3:00 in the morning in the middle of his vacation. But that's a sore subject. We're not to discuss it. Ahem.

We've played outside a lot.

We've worked outside a lot.

We've worked on the remodel a lot.

We've watched a lot of television. Some mindless. Some not. (Like that documentary on medieval torture devices...which I'm pretty sure the husband was watching with thoughts of that whole 3:00 a.m. work call thing.)

We've played lots of board games.

But, really, that's about it.

No laundry. No cleaning. No extreme cooking (oh, wait...I don't do that anyway.) No taking the trash out.

The house in a word: GROSS.

Why? I mean, I've been home all.week. With no school to worry about and lots and lots of hours to tend with. So why in the world isn't everything shined and polished and spotless?

I have a theory.


I can.not.clean.when.he's.here.

I just can't.

And it's not that I'm all huddled up on him. He could be outside mowing and I am physically unable to lift a broom or dust rag. His presence in the vicinity renders me absolutely helpless when it comes to my regular chores.

So what do I do?

Spend all of my time helping him clean his stuff. (He and I have a deal: I get the inside of the house; he gets all of the outside junk important matters.) I've cleaned out flowerbeds....his job. I've cleaned up the yard....his job. I've helped him work on the batting cage...his job. I've painted stuff....his job.

And yet Mt. Washmore is growing legs in my laundry room. I've had to rewash the same load of laundry 3 times because I keep letting it sour. There are critters growing in our toilets. And it is advisable to not walk barefooted across our floor...something might reach up and grab ya.

I've discussed my theory with some of my peeps and they have the same trouble.

What about you? And what do you do about it?

Because I need to figure this out...or I need to start praying heavily now over retirement.


Helen said...

I totally do not get anything done when my husband is home either. Why should I work while he lays around or plays on the computer! So I really do try to get it done when he's at work. But that's not much time since I work too!!

Besides, you're technically on vacation and housework isn't supposed to happen anyway!

Tiffani said...

well, as you well know, my hubs is home every.day.of.the.week.

So, I don't have much advice except you'll back to normal once he's back at work. Til then..fuhgettaboutit! :)

Although he is monopolizing my time with my bestie. So you won't be the only person that's glad he's back at work!! (and I mean that in the nicest possible way, CH)

New Every Morning said...

Here's my theory:
Moms don't get much of a vacation. Even vacation means work: packing, laundry, etc...
So if your family is having a staycation, then kudos to you for actually enjoying your time off.
The laundry, toilets and dirty floors will always be there. Always. Your fun family time won't, so don't feel guilty, just enjoy!!!
Oh, and have plenty of chocolate ready for when he goes back to work and reality sets in. ;)

Mich said...

Enjoy the time...the laundry will still be there I promise!

Hey, are you still planning on going to mom's Easter weekend?

Love ya!

Gretchen said...

I think that Gretchen of the East has a point. And I'll tell you what else. You're right. I feel the same way when my hubs works from home.

Kendra said...

We are the same way. When Wayne is around the house is a nasty disaster. When he is gone it is clean, organized, sanitize. I don't know what it is about the arrival of that extra XY chromosome in this house that makes cleaning come to a halt. Someone should study this phenomenon.

Michele said...

My hubby is home a good bit these days. . .since our business is really slow. I can get some things done, but nearly what I get done when he is not here. I don't know what it is . . . I'm like you. . . I'm doing things, just not cleaning. I tend to be a little high strung and not sit down very much. . . but Jon is much more laid back than I am. . . so when he's here I tend to be ALOT more laid back than normal. This is really good for our children *smile*

Jim said...

Now understand me! And I know you do! My situation is somewhat diff because I'm the one on the pc and not "Mrs. Clean". I am semi-retired but mostly I'm home with the exception of when I'm not! It doesn't seem to matter if I am or not, for "Mrs. Clean" has only two switches, Sleep and Sweep. Didjagithe pun? Well, actually she does have a neutral gear called Read, and there are times when that gear is glued on Fox. So you might say Mrs. Clean is a foxy reading, sweep.n.sleep switch. Now, say that ten times without breathing and you'll cure the hiccups. Now, here's my theory on your delimma. You are living with FRSNSS residue from Mrs. Clean's label. Not bad, because I'm happy being her project in process. You, on the other hand have four projects of the male persuasion that could cause the proverbial "Mrs. Clean" bottle to go DRY very quickly if used as much as my foxy switch does on me. So enjoy these years, my girl. Retirement and Capt'n Kirk's last voyage will one day come into the spaceport and just his "enterpises" will be yours to pick up after, except when your other 3 present rascals bring their dozen or so to camp in your den. Just sayin'!

I've completely wandered around the whole subject, have I not?

Mrs. Clean and I are looking forward to the whole crew of 11 being together again this week. I may need to put in a stock of the bottles, huh?
Love you,

Becca~TimeWellSpent said...

I can only laugh! When my husband is working outside he usually wants me out there with him:) Inside is mine and outside is half mine.
Maybe by retirement time you can just hire a housekeeper and work outside with him? :)

Bridget said...

Totally don't get it myself. If you figure it out, I'll expect a blog post to be forthcoming to help the rest of us out :D

Sami said...

I'm pretty sure you should at least check you floors. You know, in case of the random poop nugget. (I CANNOT MOVE ON!!!!!!!!!!)

Nina Diane said...

I never get much cleaning done when Johnny is home...I guess it's so rare for him to even be home that maybe I go in some kind of shock! hahha...

Lori Motl said...

All I can say is that I need a carabiner to assist me in getting from the door of my bathroom to the potty...Did I mention that's where I sort my laundry?

Sandy said...

First, have to agree w/Gretchen of the East (BTW, you were NOT a twin... I saw her being born, in the mirror, & there was only one...) Enjoy those special family times while they are there - the other stuff will always be there.
Here's hope for the future: when DH retired 2 years ago, we had a discussion about how it would affect my life. Thankful to have been able to be a SAHM for more than 30 years, I didn't see "retirement" in my future since there is still cooking, cleaning, & laundry to last a lifetime. So he chose to become "laundry man" & now has a fit if I do even one load. He also took on all the vacuuming & dusting. I recently took dusting "back"... I don't mind doing it & it something he hates. I've always been the gardener in our family, so he does the lawn & trimming, digs holes for me, & I do the fun stuff.
Having had surgery on both hands (1 in Dec., the other in Feb.) he has learned to cook (enough to keep us fed) for the first time in 42 years. He has really been a Godsend to me over the last few months! So retirement really CAN be fun!!

Libby said...

Hey there, Its been awhile since I've stopped by! How are you!

Carpool Queen said...

When my husband is home, the house gets really clean because I'm more motivated with company.

I'm social that way.

Marla Taviano said...

My husband has worked from home 5 of the last 7 years. Now I know why I HATE TO CLEAN.

Mother of a Gaggle said...

This is so true! I am my husbands helper and I make the children take turns being my helper. But usually I am on my own. We both prefer to work outdoors, so in the summer the yard looks amazing and the house a small disaster! Except when we have company, then the whole family cleans like whirlwind. I love that!