Flobby Bay

I am not a cook.

I am a professional box opener.  And dumper-in-er. 

I also have mastered the art of the can opener.  Sadly the only time that my family has consumed fresh veggies is...well....uh....never.  But I'm sure that they were fresh when they were canned. 

I do make some stuff from scratch, however....like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  And hamburgers.  And eggs.

Just call me Flobby Bay.

I stand in awe of folks who can cook without the use of boxes and packets of highly processed powdery substances.  And I stand in even bigger awe of folks who can get their children to eat food that doesn't come out of boxes and packets of highly processed powdery substances. 

*Before you tell me, I totally get that I'm not furnishing my offspring with proper nourishment, but we're coming to terms with it.  Thus the reason for the Lightning McQueen vitamins that we munch on every morning with our Cap'n Crunch.*

So although I know nothing about braising and mincing and sauteing, I am, however, fluent in boiling, frying, grilling, baking, and "cutting up."  And I'm secure in my primitive boxhood. 

Ain't no shame here.

Because I've decided that I tip-toe on the edge of crazy just a bit.  I might not flambe geese or anything, but I know how to shake things up in the kitchen.

Hang on to your Kiss the Cook aprons....because.....

I DON'T FOLLOW PACKAGE INSTRUCTIONS.

Scandalous, right?  I know.

I don't wait for the water to boil before dumping in the noodles.
I never measure the milk and butter for mac-n-cheese.
I boil the noodles separately from the meat when making Hamburger Helper.
I dump-n-pour the Minute Rice until it looks right because then I don't have to wash the measuring cups.
I don't add a full can of water to Chicken Noodle Soup.

Can anyone else spell R.E.B.E.L.L.I.O.U.S. S.P.I.R.I.T.??

You scoff at my James Dean-edness?

Go ahead.  Laugh.  But I bet you are one of THOSE PEOPLE.  One of those package direction follower people.  When it says "2 cups of water" -- you add and pour little spurts of H2O until it comes right.to.the.line.  When it says "boil water" -- it has never crossed your mind to not let it boil.  When it says "450*" -- you have never punched in 451*.  Nope.  Not you.  You, rule follower, you.

So this is what I've concluded....

Although being a dumper-in-er speaks volumes about my lack of culinary expertise, it also points straight to the heart of my personality. 

I'm a natural rebel.  A rule-breaker.  A limit-pusher.  If there is a line, I'm going to cross it....or at least stare at it for a very long time.

But I've found that my well-behaved friends....the ones who let their water boil before dumping in the noodles....are born rule-followers.  It makes them nervous to go in the "out" door.  They drink a full 8 oz. of water with their medications, and they remember to take their contacts out at night.

So.....which one are you?  I bet I could already guess about most of you, so we'll see if I'm right! 

Are you a rebel?  Or a rule-follower?  Does it cross over in your cooking...ur...box dumping?

What does your dinner say about you?


(And if you just want to leave me messages about the health of my children due to the lack of my cooking skilz...save it.  I already pinned myself with the Mother of the Year Award today.)