3.07.2010

Flobby Bay

I am not a cook.

I am a professional box opener.  And dumper-in-er. 

I also have mastered the art of the can opener.  Sadly the only time that my family has consumed fresh veggies is...well....uh....never.  But I'm sure that they were fresh when they were canned. 

I do make some stuff from scratch, however....like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  And hamburgers.  And eggs.

Just call me Flobby Bay.

I stand in awe of folks who can cook without the use of boxes and packets of highly processed powdery substances.  And I stand in even bigger awe of folks who can get their children to eat food that doesn't come out of boxes and packets of highly processed powdery substances. 

*Before you tell me, I totally get that I'm not furnishing my offspring with proper nourishment, but we're coming to terms with it.  Thus the reason for the Lightning McQueen vitamins that we munch on every morning with our Cap'n Crunch.*

So although I know nothing about braising and mincing and sauteing, I am, however, fluent in boiling, frying, grilling, baking, and "cutting up."  And I'm secure in my primitive boxhood. 

Ain't no shame here.

Because I've decided that I tip-toe on the edge of crazy just a bit.  I might not flambe geese or anything, but I know how to shake things up in the kitchen.

Hang on to your Kiss the Cook aprons....because.....

I DON'T FOLLOW PACKAGE INSTRUCTIONS.

Scandalous, right?  I know.

I don't wait for the water to boil before dumping in the noodles.
I never measure the milk and butter for mac-n-cheese.
I boil the noodles separately from the meat when making Hamburger Helper.
I dump-n-pour the Minute Rice until it looks right because then I don't have to wash the measuring cups.
I don't add a full can of water to Chicken Noodle Soup.

Can anyone else spell R.E.B.E.L.L.I.O.U.S. S.P.I.R.I.T.??

You scoff at my James Dean-edness?

Go ahead.  Laugh.  But I bet you are one of THOSE PEOPLE.  One of those package direction follower people.  When it says "2 cups of water" -- you add and pour little spurts of H2O until it comes right.to.the.line.  When it says "boil water" -- it has never crossed your mind to not let it boil.  When it says "450*" -- you have never punched in 451*.  Nope.  Not you.  You, rule follower, you.

So this is what I've concluded....

Although being a dumper-in-er speaks volumes about my lack of culinary expertise, it also points straight to the heart of my personality. 

I'm a natural rebel.  A rule-breaker.  A limit-pusher.  If there is a line, I'm going to cross it....or at least stare at it for a very long time.

But I've found that my well-behaved friends....the ones who let their water boil before dumping in the noodles....are born rule-followers.  It makes them nervous to go in the "out" door.  They drink a full 8 oz. of water with their medications, and they remember to take their contacts out at night.

So.....which one are you?  I bet I could already guess about most of you, so we'll see if I'm right! 

Are you a rebel?  Or a rule-follower?  Does it cross over in your cooking...ur...box dumping?

What does your dinner say about you?


(And if you just want to leave me messages about the health of my children due to the lack of my cooking skilz...save it.  I already pinned myself with the Mother of the Year Award today.) 

20 comments:

Cathy said...

I don't know how to answer this...

I have Multiple Personality Disorder.

身材維持 said...

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.............................................

馬甲 said...

生活盡可低,志氣當高潔........................................

Jessica said...

Um, well, I'm sure you could have guessed that I'm a rule-follower in every sense of the word. I have even been known to fuss at my husband for using a dry measuring cup instead of a wet measure or vice versa. Yup. I'm THAT kind of mom. But you already knew that from my 7 months of exclusive pumping and my homemade baby food and my yummy cake balls (have you tried it yet?)! :)

vgrdesigns said...

I go both ways just depending on what it is I'm doing. I make mac and cheese exactly the way you do and my kids get their full serving of fruits and veggies from their Juice Plus vitamins! Oh how you make me laugh, Ms. Amber!!! :)

Amy Fulmer said...

We have already established my rebel spirit. You ain't got nuthin' on me.

Kendra said...

Uh oh, your comments are being taken over by weird Asian posters. Watch out!

I am totally a rule follower in the kitchen. I'm a bit anal, but only on the small details like measurements and baking and not the big details like the filthy countertops and floors that happen when baking and cooking.

I think you are setting your sons up to be good husbands, because they will not be picky about food and cooking when they get married. They won't be saying "Well, it's not like my mom does it" all the time, will they?

Tiffani said...

This is sooo funny! What was your inspiration, I wonder?!?!

Well, I'd love to say that this post was not about your bestie. But, I'm beginning to think otherwise. ;)

I am a rule follower BUT I am flexy too, depending on what it is..I don't measure water for rice and grits or rominnootls! I don't measure for bluebox! (I just don't pre-boil HH noodles). So, maybe I'm just a good balance, we'll say that!

There are CERTAIN recipes I do measure to a "T" (especially when I'm baking) for and there are others when I am more Paula Deen and eyeball...

I love me some boxed items, too, though, no snob here!!

I have canned foods in cabinet BUT lots of frozen and fresh, too. I do not however, flambe or anything other faincy thing.

You keep doin' what you do, honey. Because that is what makes you, YOU!

(gosh, going back and reading this I'm awfully defensive! ;)

Angie said...

Preach it sister!!! I measure recipes with "that otta do it" and "looks good to me"!
I'd say more, but I have to go vaccum the floors - without emptying the canister first thank you very much.
(It's only half full after all.)

HUGS!!!!

Nina Diane said...

I am a rule follower only with baking....because if you don't, you get a flop! But with all other cooking and life in general...I love to live on the edge!

Mich said...

You crack me up sis!!! Since i have cooked with you, oh rebellious one, then you know what I am...a little of both. I NEVER measure my water or butter for anything, but you do drive me nutso when you put your noodles in before the water boils!!! Mom didn't teach you that way!!!

But, I would still love to be cooking in the kitchen with you any day! Another "Pasta" night, maybe?!!!

Carpool Queen said...

Follower, follower, follower. I've been making Ramen Noodles since 1987 and I STILL TAKE OUT THE TWO CUP MEASURE.

I hope we can still be friends.

New Every Morning said...

I'm a rule follower, but have a laid back personality, so......

If I think I might get in trouble, I won't do it. But in the kitchen my laid back personality rules. I love to add a little 'o this and a little 'o that when I cook.

Gretchen said...

I think Tiffani stole my entire answer. Or at least most of it.

What rules?: :)

mer@lifeat7000feet said...

I'm not big on rules...mostly because I feel bad when I break them...hmmmmmmm...kinda scared to know what you think about my personality. ;)

Christi said...

Well, I AM the rule follower, but I'm probably going to bump into you in the pre-packaged food aisle one of these days, because other foods in the grocery store don't come with directions on the box! :)

Andrea said...

I'm a born rule follower -- but I don't like to be told what to do. Kinda a strange combo. I usually follow the instructions the first time, at least. Then? We'll see. My eyeball-it-throw-it-in skills drive my husband bonkers!

ilovemy5kids said...

Kindred Spirits!

Totally! You rock...however my hubs is bowing is head in disgust. He does measure those 2 cups of water exactly and if the noodles call for a rolling boil, well, he is a helpless case.

But, that is why we match...free spirit and Nerd! :)

I love finding another free spirit! :)

Musings of a Homeschooling Mom said...

I am a rule follower to the core! Everything must be measured out exactly in my kitchen! If it says boiling water, it's got to be boiling! Crazy, I am! :)

lisa@littlesliceoflife said...

Wellllll, I think we've already established that I'm not a kitchen-rule-follower kinda girl. Hence the ridicule from my family. Whatev.