Court Is In Session....

Bang. Bang. Bang

Order in the court.  The Honorable Judge of Rascal Raising presiding.  Today the court will hear the case of Tate "Big T" Rascal vs. Gross Nasty Mouse.

The Case:  Tate "Big T" Rascal claims that upon entering the living room of his residence, Gross Nasty Mouse scurried across the floor, ran under the couch, did a 180*, ran out from under the couch, climbed 2 steps, then scampered across the kitchen floor and under the china cabinet.  Gross Nasty Mouse is unavailable for court today because he has vanished, but his representation claims that Gross Nasty Mouse was never inside the Rascal residence and that it must have been a figment of imagination. 

Tate "Big T" Rascal, what say you?

"Theow was a wat.  A hooge wat.  I saw him."

Tate "Big T" Rascal would like to present the court with Exhibit A. 

"He was hooge.  See?"

Tate "Big T" Rascal would like to present the court with Exhibit B.

"No wait.  The wat was dis big." 

Tate "Big T" Rascal would like to present the court with Exhibit C.

"No.  The wat was dis hooge.  Yep.  Dis hooge."

The court has taken note of the size of Gross Nasty Mouse.  Does the Defendant's attorneys have anything to say in regards to these exhibits?

The court has noted that Gross Nasty Mouse's plea apparently is remaining the same...that he was never at the crime scene.

Tate "Big T" Rascal would like to present the court with Exhibit D.

"I scweamed because of dat wat."

Witnesses are being called to the stand. 

First witness is Sawyer, Tate "Big T" Rascal's brother:  "I heard Tate scream.  And I think I saw the mouse.  But I can't remember."  (The court recognizes that this statement is probably very accurate, as Sawyer can't remember his name half of the time.)

Second witness is Keaton, Tate "Big T" Rascal's oldest brother:  "I heard Tate scream, but I was outside.  I just figured he was screaming because he always screams."  (Also accurate statement.)

Third witness is Tate "Big T" Rascal's father:  "I just wanted Tate to make sense, so I could kill the darn thing and get on with my evening.  I also utilized the opportunity to lecture the children on eating in the living room and making messes.  It seemed like the right thing to do."  (Noted.)

Last witness is Tate "Big T" Rascal's mother:  "I was in the back of the house when all of a sudden I was attacked by a running, screaming, panic-stricken Tate who attached himself permanently to my hip for the rest of the evening.  He wouldn't let me put him down for at least an hour, and we had to employ the use of a sundry mouse deterrents to even get him to think about going to sleep in his own bed."

After taking all evidence into account, hearing the testimonies of the witnesses, and the noticeable absence of Gross Nasty Mouse in court today.....

The Honorable Judge of Rascal Raising has reached a verdict on the vermin.

"Although we are depending solely on the testimony of a hyperactive 6 year old with an appreciation for a good exaggeration, the court has no choice but to find Gross Nasty Mouse GUILTY of intrusion on Rascal property.  Because even the suggestion of a mouse is good enough cause for condemnation."

This court is adjourned.

And Gross Nasty Mouse is sentenced to death by glue trap should he come out of hiding.  Or broom handle.  Whichever comes first.


mer@lifeat7000feet said...

Gross, gross, gross!

Tiffani said...

hilarious!!! this is one of the.best.posts. you've written..so funny!!

I love that Tater!!

Glad justice was served to GNM...my faith in the system is fully in tact..thank you for that.

I'm surprised Keaton didn't have the sketch artist sketch of GNM as Exhibit E!

Mich said...

That is my Tatey! i would have screamed too.

Funny, sis.

Miss you bunches.

Nancy said...

Too Funny!

Who needs a cat to frighten those pesky mice away when a screaming, hysterical child probably works just as well ...

Sami said...

Yuck. And you could totally stand up against a few attorneys ;)
And I have the G from Kirkland's in the background of the pic! Except it's an E not a G. Because a G would just be weird. Since I'm an E. You know?

Bridget said...

I'm with Tate, I would have been screaming and attached to someone's hip, too... :D

Funny story!!

Gretchen said...

You need to write children's books.

Marla Taviano said...

Oh my stinking word. LOVE.

Carpool Queen said...

Court is adjourned only to reconvene at the nearest Holiday Inn or until said mouse is captured.

Anonymous said...


Angie said...

Go get 'em, cuz! Guilty, guilty, guilty!