2.26.2011

Ketchup

I'm not really a ketchup lover.  I'm more of a mustard gal.  In fact, the only thing I will eat ketchup on are McDonald's french fries.  And maybe an occasional chicken nugget if I'm feeling sassy that day.

Nope, ketchup's not really my thing. 

But today, it's necessary.  Because when you haven't blogged for precisely 17 days (the math is courtesy of Jim-Dad), KETCHUP is warranted....or CATSUP....or CATCH-UP.  You know...toe-may-toe, toe-maw-toe.  

KETCHUP Numero Uno:  I have been doing a whole lot of nothing.  I feel like I've been very busy and just wave at myself as I come and go, but now that I think of it, I haven't really done much of anything productive.  We've managed quite a few full school days which is a miracle in itself, and I did spend several days laid up in bed with the Mystery Virus of TwentyEleven, but other than that...um...can't really think of anything.

Two Bottles of KETCHUP on the Wall:   I had convinced myself that my house is a breeding ground for all kinds of nasty because I've been so extremely and remarkably busy.  But, thanks to the realization of Numero Uno up there, I now need to double up on my Prozac seeing as my depression level just hit an all time high.  My house is gross because I don't like to clean.  And because I do stuff like spend 3 hours searching the web for a new blingy iPhone case.  Hmmmm.....admission is the first step to recovery, right?

KETCHUP III:  Back to the Mystery Virus of TwentyEleven....  All I wanted to do was sleep.  And then when I would get up, I'd get overwhelmingly nauseous and go back to sleep.  And then I'd wake up with a headache from the underside of Hades.  It was like I was waking up from having had one too many margaritas every 5 minutes.  But I hadn't.  Honest.  But now that I think of it, I will now refer to it as the MMV.  The Mystery Margarita Virus.  Catchy.

Doing It FOUR the KETCHUP:  While I was down and out with the MMV, I discovered a ridiculous time-waster.  If you're an iPhone/iTouch/iPad user, run away.  Do not read any further, lest you be lured in by the siren song of the POCKETFROG.  Lord.Love.A.Frog.  I'll just leave it at that.....  And don't say that I didn't warn you.

KETCHUP #5:  The husband is doing mucho muchly better.  He's off his crutches and is back at work and all of that other good stuff.  He did tell me the other day that he can now feel the weather changing in his knee.  So now he is one of THOSE people.  Awesome.  Next I'll be lulled to sleep with stories of his yesteryears when he walked to school barefoot....

KETCHUP x6:   The gym that I pay money to attend ran a special for the year of 2011.  They offered this ridiculous membership deal that gave you the whole year for the cost of 3 months.  Pretty sweet deal.  Too good to pass up.  It was pure motivation back in January when I re-upped the membership under the new sweet deal to finally whittle away the years of cupcakes and Diet Dr. Peppers that have so kindly attached themselves to my hips.  It is now the last of February, and I can count on two hands the times I've darkened the doors of the gym this year.  But I would need a whole room full of hands to add up the amount of cupcakes I've inhaled.  Sigh.... 

Seven Swans a'KETCHUPing:  I'm going to try to finish up the curtains for my living room today.  It has been exactly a year since the Great Living Room Remodel was completed, and I'm just.now getting to the curtains.  Procrastinate, much?

KETCHUP Eighthly:  A super sweet friend took all three boys out for pizza and roller skating last night.  So, I, in turn, devoured a huge plate of spinach ravioli at my favorite hole-in-the-wall Italian restaurant and then caught up on a bunch of shows that have been tucked away in my DVR.  What a blessing.  Thanks, Melissa!!  (Oh..and the boys had a great time, too.)

Nine KETCHUPS:   I have a standing coffee/dessert date with my besties every Wednesday while the boys are at an after-school program at one of the local churches.  Thanks to the Snowpocalypse AND the husband's whacked out knee AND the Mystery Margarita Virus, I've had to miss every date since the beginning of the year.  Not cool, y'all.  So not cool.  Praise to all things good and made of coffee, though, we were able to meet up this past Wednesday, and it was so therapeutic.  There is nothing quite like solving the world's problems over way too many cups of coffee and a bowl of blackberry cobbler. 

10 Little KETCHUP Packets Jumping On the Bar:   I read a tremendous book the other day.  It's called Lies I Told My Children, and, y'all, I could've written this book.  The author, Karen McQuestion, is my new kindred spirit, and I'm so tempted to track her down just to hug her neck.  And to see if she is my long lost twin.  Because she talks like me, writes like me, and parents like me.  And in my head she looks just like me.  She also makes me feel insanely normal.  And, in fact, the only thing that makes me sad is that she totally ripped off my book idea that I've had stirring around in my head.  Darn her for writing it first. 

I could keep the Ketchups going....

I could tell you about my housefly infestation and that I am now rewarding the children in quarters for the number of dead flies they bring to me. 

I could also tell you about how I suited up in HazMat gear to clean out the big trash bin by the road that we put our bags of garbage in.  It had been ravished by a team of menacing buzzards and crows, and they made one stink of a mess.  Dumb birds. 

And I could tell you about how I found a ticket stub for a movie that was watched in DECEMBER in the pocket of a pair of jeans in my laundry room.  That would be how far behind I am on my laundry....

BUT...I'll save all that for another day of KETCHUP.

Wouldn't want to waste it all in one place....

12 comments:

Carpool Queen said...

Funny, I was pondering ketchup just an hour ago. How can it be so good on fries and so nasty on everything else?

These are the thoughts that consume me and keep me from cleaning my house.

Bridget said...

Love your ketchups!! Sorry you were sick but glad you're feeling better and were able to meet your besties.

Glad your husband is doing better and is back at work. And maybe, just maybe, he won't preface every story he tells with "when I was a young boy" ;)

Take care and have a good week!

Jim said...

Dear Amb,
Thanks for the "plops" of "ketchup" you "doused" on your "lives" (rhymns with fries). I have to say your "ketchup" really cuts the "mustard" with its "malaise" (closest I could come to Mayo) and puts me in a real "pickle" to know how to comment, so "lettuce" just say you're the real "toe-ma-toe" to me, and I don't need an "onion" to make me get weepy or "cheese" to make me smile! You're the real burger, McDaughter!

See yas on "chews-day"!

Jim-Dad

theelizabethhighsmith said...

ketchup showed up in my reader and i totally knew the direction your witty self would be taking.

thanks for the ketchup
now pass the mustard, sister!

Mich said...

"KETCHUP?!" Sorry, but I have to say it...sounding a lot like daddio these days, sis! (Love ya, Dad!)

However, that said, you had me giggling the whole way through. I miss you bunches!

why do we always have to be so busy?

Terry Lewallen said...

Amber! So glad to Ketchup with you!
Your posts always make me smile...and make me happy to know that there is someone else out there who doesn't like to clean house or do laundry and likes to eat cupcakes and waste time looking for unimportant things on the web...thanks for helping not feel alone!

BARBIE said...

You had me laughing all the way!

Marla Taviano said...

My mom calls ketchup "katchup" and it drives me N-U-T-S.

Thanks for posting (finally. geez)! I want to read that book.

New Every Morning said...

It is so great to ketchup with you. I have MISSED you, girlie! But... I totally understand. Life needs to be lived. Glad to hear all the Rascals (and their adorable momma) are on the mend.

Sami said...

You never cease to amaze me with your unending creative-ness. I mean, who else could think of so many ways to insert the word "ketchup"??? :)

Sandy said...

What a cool way to "catch us up!" NEAM's middle child loves ketchup on everything! She likes a little fries w/her ketchup...
I'm so glad you are finally feeling better! I think you should just write off Jan. & Feb. & start from here...

Angie said...

I so feel you right now!

*Nothing 'perks' like a good cuppa Joe.
*Gross house? Finally found the stink in the girls' room- a damp towel kicked under the bed!
*I don't know how we ever lived without DVR.
*Nothing says 'comfort' like Italian food!

Ladle out the Prozac, Chiquita, I'll be right there!