Ketchup

I'm not really a ketchup lover.  I'm more of a mustard gal.  In fact, the only thing I will eat ketchup on are McDonald's french fries.  And maybe an occasional chicken nugget if I'm feeling sassy that day.

Nope, ketchup's not really my thing. 

But today, it's necessary.  Because when you haven't blogged for precisely 17 days (the math is courtesy of Jim-Dad), KETCHUP is warranted....or CATSUP....or CATCH-UP.  You know...toe-may-toe, toe-maw-toe.  

KETCHUP Numero Uno:  I have been doing a whole lot of nothing.  I feel like I've been very busy and just wave at myself as I come and go, but now that I think of it, I haven't really done much of anything productive.  We've managed quite a few full school days which is a miracle in itself, and I did spend several days laid up in bed with the Mystery Virus of TwentyEleven, but other than that...um...can't really think of anything.

Two Bottles of KETCHUP on the Wall:   I had convinced myself that my house is a breeding ground for all kinds of nasty because I've been so extremely and remarkably busy.  But, thanks to the realization of Numero Uno up there, I now need to double up on my Prozac seeing as my depression level just hit an all time high.  My house is gross because I don't like to clean.  And because I do stuff like spend 3 hours searching the web for a new blingy iPhone case.  Hmmmm.....admission is the first step to recovery, right?

KETCHUP III:  Back to the Mystery Virus of TwentyEleven....  All I wanted to do was sleep.  And then when I would get up, I'd get overwhelmingly nauseous and go back to sleep.  And then I'd wake up with a headache from the underside of Hades.  It was like I was waking up from having had one too many margaritas every 5 minutes.  But I hadn't.  Honest.  But now that I think of it, I will now refer to it as the MMV.  The Mystery Margarita Virus.  Catchy.

Doing It FOUR the KETCHUP:  While I was down and out with the MMV, I discovered a ridiculous time-waster.  If you're an iPhone/iTouch/iPad user, run away.  Do not read any further, lest you be lured in by the siren song of the POCKETFROG.  Lord.Love.A.Frog.  I'll just leave it at that.....  And don't say that I didn't warn you.

KETCHUP #5:  The husband is doing mucho muchly better.  He's off his crutches and is back at work and all of that other good stuff.  He did tell me the other day that he can now feel the weather changing in his knee.  So now he is one of THOSE people.  Awesome.  Next I'll be lulled to sleep with stories of his yesteryears when he walked to school barefoot....

KETCHUP x6:   The gym that I pay money to attend ran a special for the year of 2011.  They offered this ridiculous membership deal that gave you the whole year for the cost of 3 months.  Pretty sweet deal.  Too good to pass up.  It was pure motivation back in January when I re-upped the membership under the new sweet deal to finally whittle away the years of cupcakes and Diet Dr. Peppers that have so kindly attached themselves to my hips.  It is now the last of February, and I can count on two hands the times I've darkened the doors of the gym this year.  But I would need a whole room full of hands to add up the amount of cupcakes I've inhaled.  Sigh.... 

Seven Swans a'KETCHUPing:  I'm going to try to finish up the curtains for my living room today.  It has been exactly a year since the Great Living Room Remodel was completed, and I'm just.now getting to the curtains.  Procrastinate, much?

KETCHUP Eighthly:  A super sweet friend took all three boys out for pizza and roller skating last night.  So, I, in turn, devoured a huge plate of spinach ravioli at my favorite hole-in-the-wall Italian restaurant and then caught up on a bunch of shows that have been tucked away in my DVR.  What a blessing.  Thanks, Melissa!!  (Oh..and the boys had a great time, too.)

Nine KETCHUPS:   I have a standing coffee/dessert date with my besties every Wednesday while the boys are at an after-school program at one of the local churches.  Thanks to the Snowpocalypse AND the husband's whacked out knee AND the Mystery Margarita Virus, I've had to miss every date since the beginning of the year.  Not cool, y'all.  So not cool.  Praise to all things good and made of coffee, though, we were able to meet up this past Wednesday, and it was so therapeutic.  There is nothing quite like solving the world's problems over way too many cups of coffee and a bowl of blackberry cobbler. 

10 Little KETCHUP Packets Jumping On the Bar:   I read a tremendous book the other day.  It's called Lies I Told My Children, and, y'all, I could've written this book.  The author, Karen McQuestion, is my new kindred spirit, and I'm so tempted to track her down just to hug her neck.  And to see if she is my long lost twin.  Because she talks like me, writes like me, and parents like me.  And in my head she looks just like me.  She also makes me feel insanely normal.  And, in fact, the only thing that makes me sad is that she totally ripped off my book idea that I've had stirring around in my head.  Darn her for writing it first. 

I could keep the Ketchups going....

I could tell you about my housefly infestation and that I am now rewarding the children in quarters for the number of dead flies they bring to me. 

I could also tell you about how I suited up in HazMat gear to clean out the big trash bin by the road that we put our bags of garbage in.  It had been ravished by a team of menacing buzzards and crows, and they made one stink of a mess.  Dumb birds. 

And I could tell you about how I found a ticket stub for a movie that was watched in DECEMBER in the pocket of a pair of jeans in my laundry room.  That would be how far behind I am on my laundry....

BUT...I'll save all that for another day of KETCHUP.

Wouldn't want to waste it all in one place....

It's Snow, Yo!

Ah...  Snowmageddon.  The Snowpocalypse.  A dastardly Snowtastrophe. 

Again.

'Tis the third big snow we've had this winter'go'round, and I'm so over it.   Like I've said before, we Arkansans don't handle this weather well.  The prospect of a few good inches, and it sends us all up in a tizzy.  Schools cancel hours before the first snowflake hits, and folks get all kinds of ghetto on eachother in the bread aisle at WalMart.  It's hardcore, y'all.

And once again, I'm forced to strap on plastic bags to the feet of the offspring, because while we are most certainly outfitted in all manner of make and model of flip-flop, we ain't got no snow boots up in this hood.



Oh...you thought I was kidding?  Oh, no, friend.  And we're even classy enough to support all major discount chains.  Dollar Tree and Walmart are both proudly repruhzentin'. 

Here are some other obligatory snow shots.  They pretty much look like the ones from last time, but I never really get tired of staring at rosy snowflaked cheeks wearing Walmart sacks for footwear.....  

And then I had to go and open my big mouth....

In an attempt to poke fun of the husband who is still rendered pretty much helpless, I made a snide comment about how if he were a "good dad," then he'd rig up something-or-other to pull the darling angel babies around in the snow...you know, redneck sled style.  Because we don't own sleds in the South either....

My sarcasm was beat down like a whipped horse.

Because before you can say, "Don't eat the yellow snow!" -- the husband was crutching his way to the garage to rig up a sled contraption to the Razor.  Seriously, Dude?  Point taken.  I will never question your ability to redneck rig something ever again...bum leg or not.

And then I found out who had to drive the dern thing.  In the cold.  I don't like to be cold.  Or wet.  Or cold and wet.

So I took it upon myself to come up with the sexiest get-up I could find.....

Hawt, huh? 

And here I am behind the wheel of power....

And here are my victims...uh, I mean...passengers.....

Oh...you only see two?  The other one is there....see his legs hanging off of the back?  That seemed to be the choice spot.  Although I don't know why, what with all the snow ending up in your draw's' and all.  Brrr...

Did I mention it was cold?  Even with that facemask thing on, I was about to lose my upper lip to frost bite.  Plus the face mask belongs to the husband's hunting season, and it smells like feet.  Not that the husband smells like feet...I'm just sayin'....

I tooled around our yard and hayfield for a good little bit, pulling boys, making sharp turns so that boys went flying, and driving slow watching boys running their Walmart sacked feet through the snow drifts trying to catch back up to the sled.  And then I parked and went inside.  Because fun is only fun until Mama gets cold.

The husband crutched out and took some video and picts of the fun, and this is my favorite one:

Because I had just left two kids faceplanted on the driveway....  Snort.Giggle.

And then here is a little video.  If you choose to watch it, you'll see the good clean fun of me leaving the Tater Tot in the dust.  Again, Snort.Giggle.

So, was the snow horrid?  No.

Was it fun?  Uh...sure.

Am I ready for Spring?  Ab.so.lute.ly.

Have I loved hanging with my men?  Snow-Doubt.

Random Highlights and Lowlights of the Past Lots of Hours

1.   I've been sleeping on the couch for 8 nights now.  The only place that the husband can sleep comfortably is in the recliner, and I don't like sleeping away from him, so the couch it is.  Before you go thinking I'm really syrupy sweet, I have made a habit of reminding him of my martyrdom daily.

2.   Due to a small, slight, minute, and rather minuscule miscalculation of the DVR, the husband missed the last 2 minutes of the Super Bowl last night.  It was totally my fault, and I spent an hour apologizing via text message from the bedroom that I had confined myself in after the unfortunate incidence totally an accident. 

3.  The husband went back to work today, and it was so very strange without him here at the house.  It's bizarre how quickly our normal and routine can change.  I spent a better part of last week trying to use my voodoo mind powers to shoo him on back to work early.  And I spent all of today wishing him home.  Weird.

4.  This weekend, two of the rascals came down with the mystery fever/sore throat/cough virus that seems to be floating around.  I have treated everyone like they had the plague and have prayed that I don't come down with it.  I'm the captain of this boat right now, and if I were to go down, we'd be sunk for sure.

5.  What about Christina Aguilera totally botching our Nation's sacred song during the Super Bowl?  Yikes.

6.  OH..and the Black Eyed Peas and their light show?  I needs me one of those light up suits.  That was some serious Boom Boom Pow.

7.  Speaking of singing or NOT singing, have you been watching American Idol?  What about those new judges?  I have had to eat some major crow, because I was one that talked so ugly about the passing of the torch from Simon to Stephen Tyler; Paula to JLo.  BUT.I'M.HOOKED.  They intrigue me to no end, and I have found myself not.even.missing.Simon.at.all.  Didn't think I would ever utter those words.

8.  It's supposed to snow.  Again.  In South Arkansas.  Go ahead, Northerners, scoff.  But we Southern Belles don't understand all of this frigidity.  It's ridiculously cold, and none of us own like-for-real winter garb.  The closest I have to a winter coat is a cutie army jacket from Old Navy that most people who live in snow infested places would wear as part of an outfit.  And I sent my boys out in the snow last Friday with WalMart sacks tied around their shoes..... Yep.  We be ghetto.

9.  I almost got blessed with a Skunk Spa package last night.  Since the husband is all crutched up, I've been promoted to Chief FireMaker.  Our wood pile by the fireplace was running low, so as I walked outside to gather a couple of more logs, I came face to tail with a little stinker.  I had already walked fully out of the door and shut the door behind me, so that made it all the more difficult to claw myself back into the house once I realized what I was staring down into.  The odor gods must have been smiling on me, because somehow I escaped unsprayed.  Although I have no idea how what with my heinous carrying on and screaming like a girl. 

I'm sure I could go on with this hot mess....but my brain is fried.  I'm in much need of interaction with other estrogen bearers, and since I can't seem to find any within any reasonable distance, I'm going to settle with a gLee marathon and a bowl of icecream.  One must improvise in a pinch.

Happy Monday, y'all...
And blessings on your head.

Betcha Didn't Know: The 'Lord Have Mercy' Edition

Lord Have Mercy.  Lord Love a Duck.  And Shut the Window and Call Me Edgar. 

Betcha Didn't Know.....

• That the husband has been home for approximately 288 hours. Give or take a trip to the hospital or two.  But I was still husband-sitting, so it totally counts.  288 hours.  That's a whole lot of man-tv watching and iced tea fetching. 

Betcha Didn't Know.....

• That though I'm madly in love with the husband, the old adage "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" makes perfect and complete sense to me now.  I've decided that his going to work is good for our marriage. Space and time is good for all of us. The only thing that is saving my sanity now is that he spent the last part of 2010 and the first part of 2011 traveling like a madman, so we're still finding stuff to talk about.  For right now....

Betcha Didn't Know.....

• That now people are going to be all worried about us and our marriage.  Relax.  We're good.  I've been totally slapped in the face with how much I've taken for granted about the little things that he does around the house to help me, and I'm so saddened for him that his outdoorsy personality has been stuck inside.  I also have no doubt that when the time comes for us to spend copious amounts of time together such as our future empty nest and retirement that we are going to be just.fine.  As long as no one has knee surgery.... *smirky wink* 

Betcha Didn't Know.....

• That I'm actually feeling very, very blessed by the timing of all of this surgery/recovery mess.  The husband's ACL surgery was actually scheduled for March.  Baseball season.  And his plans included coaching baseball from the seated comfort of a 5 gallon bucket.  Um.Okay.  But, this way, he should be good as new come season's starting, so he shouldn't be leaving crutch marks in the baseline.  ALSO...the husband is getting ready to take on a huge project that is going to take him away from home most evenings and nights.  I had been so dreading this project, because he was supposed to walk straight into the project from all the traveling he had been doing.  But now, he's been forced to stay at home and spend a.lot. of quality time with me and the kids.  Although it will still be very sour to hardly ever see him once he's recuperated and ready to start on the project, at least we know that we spent lots and lots of hours with him beforehand.

Betcha Didn't Know.....

• That the husband now has a whole new respect for the art of homeschooling.  I deemed him worthy of the honor of teaching beginning algebra to the 5th grader yesterday, and he quickly awarded me with all kinds of hefty accolades.  I'll take "Thank you very much" and "I told you so" for $400, Alex.

Betcha Didn't Know.....

• That the husband has decided that being an invalid might just be worth it for his stomach's sake.  We've been poured on with heavy food blessings by our precious church family, and, needless to say, we've eaten very.very.very.ridiculously.well this week. 

Betcha Didn't Know.....

• That I have cabin fever something fierce.  I've started hallucinating about my laundry coming to life and eating me.  And I haven't even been sneaking the husband's pain killers.

Betcha Didn't Know.....

• That the husband is going to attempt to go back to work for a few hours on Monday, and I'm not sure who is more ready..... 

Betcha Didn't Know.....

• That the husband and I are meeting our besties for lunch later today sans kids, and you would have thought that we won the lottery.  This is huge, y'all.  We're going to get dressed in real clothes and everything.

Betcha Didn't Know....

• ...well, I betcha did know...that my resolution of a picture a day/blog everyday has traveled to The Island of Unresoluized Resolutions.  I've heard it has made itself quite comfortable there; saddling up right away to my other resolution of gym frequenting and healthy eating.  I'm sure they'll live happily ever after.

That's all.
Later, friends.