9.16.2010

Doozey

This has been a doozey of a week on my brain and even more so...my heart....

The entrance of fall usually holds such hope for me.  It's a time that smiles can hardly be wiped from my face.  It means football has started, my closet is transitioning, and the air is a little easier to breathe. 

But this entrance of fall hasn't been so pleasant.  And this week in particular is doing a number on my soul.

For starters, the husband has been gone all week.  My only communication with him has been by email, one failed Skype attempt, and a briefer than brief phone call yesterday.  And I'm growing weary.  The boys and I have just about reached our limit of restraint with eachother, and we are about 5 minutes past time for a referee to run interference.  Without the other member of our family that is old enough to command a vehicle, it has left me doing all ball-related duties myself.  And I'm tired.  Since Sunday, we've had 2 ball games and 6 practices.  And all on different fields.  At different times.  And my baseball/football mom cute is wearing off fast.

I don't sleep well when the husband isn't home.  I hear every creak and moan that the house gives off, and I sleep with one eye open and sitting halfway up in bed.  Last night I swore I smelled smoke, which led me on a sniff parade for 45 minutes.  The bags and circles under my eyes are causing people to spread rumors...

I'm feeling some unsettling in my spirit that I can't quite put my finger on.  I've spent time in prayer and study this week, and still haven't received a clear answer.  I have no idea what the Lord is trying to tell me, and, frankly, it's frustrating.  But I'm trying to remember that His timing is not my timing.  I just wish He'd throw me a bone this week.

My heart is aching for a precious friend.  Her world was just turned upside-down this week, and there isn't anything under the sun that I can do to make it better.  I'm a fixer.  And I can't fix this.  And it sucks. 

On top of all of those big things....

I've fed my kids nothing but frozen pizza, Hot Pockets, and fish sticks for this entire week.  And I haven't felt bad about it...not even once....until now.  And now I'm crying about it....

I ruined an entire load of clothes by accidentally forgetting that I had added bleach to the water.  And last I checked, my men aren't keen on pink splotchy pieces of apparel.

The raccoons have sneaked their way into my trash bins....again.  And they never clean up after themselves.

I'm harboring bitter feelings about not getting to stay cozied up in my mama's house this week while the husband is off perusing the German countrysides.  But because of our hefty sports schedule, it just wasn't possible.  But I sure do wish I was there right now....

My favorite pair of flip flops broke.

And I could go on and on....

But really, I just am ready for my heart to settle.  And I'm sad because I don't really remember what that feels like....so I wonder if I would even recognize it if and when it happens....

13 comments:

Mandy said...

Amber, I'm so sorry. Saying "I'm praying for you" just doesn't seem like enough sometimes, but I know it's the best I can offer because I am appealing to a great God who has all control.

Mich said...

I love you. Call me if you need to talk...or vent. :)

Carpool Queen said...

I hear you, I hear you, I hear you. I'd send you pickles or jam in commiseration if you lived next door.

Nancy said...

I hear you - sometimes it just feels like the universe randomly picks you up and throws you & your everything into the air and while you are up there flailing around - you have to watch helplessly as your life comes crashing down around around you.

Hang in there - this too shall pass

New Every Morning said...

Hang in there girlie. I'm sending you a big cyber hug.

New Every Morning said...

Hang in there girlie. I'm sending you a big cyber hug.

Jim said...

Amb,
This is your "ole" Dad, wrapping his arms around you today - telling you it's going to be ok, I'm here for you in my mind and heart, if not in body. Gather your rascals for a group hug from me! Realize that while Kirk's been in Germany, "your world has been logically upside down"! If it helps, since I'm on this side with you, I share in your "upside.down.ness"! What's more important - it's the Lord truly that keeps you from falling off of it until you're able to soar on the other side again!

Love you!

Jim-Dad

Jim said...

Amb,
This is your "ole" Dad, wrapping his arms around you today - telling you it's going to be ok, I'm here for you in my mind and heart, if not in body. Gather your rascals for a group hug from me! Realize that while Kirk's been in Germany, "your world has been logically upside down"! If it helps, since I'm on this side with you, I share in your "upside.down.ness"! What's more important - it's the Lord truly that keeps you from falling off of it until you're able to soar on the other side again!

Love you!

Jim-Dad

Cathy said...

Oh my dear, sweet, favorite Rascal Raiser....

I'm sorry.
I'll pray for you.
I hear you.
Been there.

I could go on with all these true things but I know they don't have the power in and of themselves to make you feel better, only our precious Heavenly Father does. So go have an ugly cry in His lap and I'll be praying that His arms feel more real than they ever have before...

lisa@littlesliceoflife said...

I heart you.

Marla Taviano said...

Love you, girl. Prayed for you just this very minute. I know God's going to speak to you soon.

p.s. If it makes you feel any better, I fed my family Totino's frozen pizza 2 days in a row this weekend. Including my husband. :)

Angie said...

Praying for you Amb! Thank God we only have to be single parents once in a while!
((hugs))

Sandy said...

Your transparency is so refreshing. When we can't "deal" with everything it makes us more dependent upon God, which is right where He wants us so He can comfort & love & grow us. I'm praying for you, especially that you will soon have a settled heart (even if circumstances don't "invite" a settled heart!)