Self-Diagnosis. And Way Too Much Internet Reading.

So...I've been researching.  GASP.  I know.  I know.  I find it shocking as well.

But I decided that it was high-time to do some self-diagnosis.

Because I have a problem.  Well, lots of problems.  But this one bugs the snot out of me.

I think I have A.D.D.  You know, the attention problem that all the "bad" kids at school have. 

No. Seriously.  I do.

See...look.  This is what I found:

Individuals with ADHD essentially have problems with self-regulation and self-motivation, predominantly due to problems with distractibility, procrastination, organization, and prioritization.

Uh.Huh.  That's me.  Seriously.

I also found this:

In adults, these [symptoms] evolve into:

Procrastination
Indecision, difficulty recalling and organizing details required for a task
Poor time management, losing track of time
Avoiding tasks or jobs that require sustained attention
Difficulty initiating tasks
Difficulty completing and following through on tasks
Difficulty multitasking
Difficulty shifting attention from one task to another

This is me, y'all.  To a T.

Procrastination?  Check.  Like every day that I clean up the bar in my kitchen (these aren't consecutive days, mind you) I find a stack of the boys' sports pictures.  Like packets and packets.  Basketball.  Baseball.  Soccer.  And every day that I find those pictures, I think, Man, I really need to sit down and send these to grandparents and get these in frames in their rooms.  Um...I have pictures from 2008 in that stack.  And laundry that has been in my laundry room for a year now.  And closets that need to be cleaned out.  But they aren't.  Because....I have decided to do it tomorrow.

Indecision?  Check.  I couldn't make a decision to save my life.  Unless it is about which brand of macaroni and cheese to buy.  That I can do.  Past that...no dice.

Poor time management?  Check.  Evidenced by the millions of minutes that I can tick away reading blogs and facebooking and tweeting and instant messaging all of the same people.  And the millions of minutes that I do not spend on my laundry.  I have, however, mastered the art of computering and watching tv.  But I have a feeling that that doesn't really count.  Although it makes perfect sense to me.

Avoiding tasks or jobs that require sustained attention?  Uh. Double check.  Sustained attention like scrapbooking.  And journaling.  And, very shamefully, quiet times.  Because I know that I'll get "bored" easily and won't follow through...so why bother?

Difficulty initiating tasks?  Check.  I don't initiate.  Because I'm scared I won't follow through.  Because nine times out of ten, I won't.  It's not that I don't want to...I just know better.  Like my jewelry business that I started last year.  Um...ask me when the last time was that I made a piece of jewelry. 

Difficulty completing and following through on tasks?  Check.  Just read what I just wrote up there.  Follow through?  What's that?  In fact, this blog is the ONLY thing that I've actually been able to follow through on with any kind of consistency.  And I'm nervous everyday that it will go away.

Difficulty multitasking?  Triple check.  I can chew gum and walk at the same time but that is the extent of my multitasking.  Oh.  And that whole computer and tv thing.  I can't even keep the washer and dryer running while we do school every morning.  Can't talk on the phone and do anything but pace.  Can't maintain a conversation and fold laundry.  I just can't. 

Difficulty shifting attention from one task to another? Check.  And most of the time it is because I forgot what the next task is that I'm supposed to be doing. 

In all seriousness, I really believe I have some issues.  I can't remember anything; go through extreme periods of complacency; and will lose a train of though mid-sentence.

So, I'm going to go to the doctor.  And I'm going to ask them to test me. 

And if it comes back that I'm not what I've diagnosed myself with....well.....then.....

I guess I'm pretty much tanked.

If I can remember that I'm supposed to be tanked, that is.



*quotations found here*

Stories About the Husband. He'll Kill Me Later.

The husband often despises the fact that I'm a blogger.

And it doesn't really have anything to do with the fact that I blab personal details about our family all over cyberspace.  Or that I talk about all of you people like you live next door to me, and he often times has to have me clarify who exactly I'm talking about. 

Really what irritates him is that I parade pictures around of him, make snide comments about him never smiling, and tell embarrassing stories about him....all without his permission.  And I've thought about being a teensy bit more respectful of him and his feelings, but if I did that then you wouldn't know about this:

1)  That on Halloween night we had just arrived back home, and the boys were stripping off their costumes...and I was digging in their candy buckets stealing all the chocolate checking all the pieces for safety.  We have a motion sensor light as our porch light, and though we had it turned off because we weren't home that night, it had popped on when we came home.  We hadn't been home 5 minutes and the doorbell rang.  Trick-or-Treater.  So, Kirk went to the door and TOLD THE PRINCESS THAT WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY CANDY AND SENT THE PRINCESS AWAY.  Oh yes he did.  All while I was sitting at the table stuffing my face with Laffy Taffy and Crunch Bars. 

2)  That he laid in bed and thought about that poor princess all night long.  And felt terrible.  And when I joked that her big brothers were going to come back and toilet paper our house that night, he decided that that would, in fact, make him feel better.  And even contemplated going and rolling our house himself.

3)  That I love to watch him get dressed in the morning.  Now...don't let your mind get all wandery.  It isn't what you are thinking.  It is because it is so ding dang comical.  The man walks back and forth between his closet and his dresser no less than 78 times.  He puts shirts on top of shirts because he forgets that he already put a shirt on.  Same with socks.  He'll be telling me about what he's going to do at the gym (he goes every morning before work) while putting on work clothes.  And then he'll realize what he's doing and have to undress and put on gym clothes.  He will be fully dressed and go to the closet, turn the light on, and just stare at his clothes.  And then he'll remember that he's already dressed, turn the light off, and head out of the room.
It.cracks.me.up.  And it makes my days start off just marvelously.

4)  That his favorite word is "literally."  And he uses it a.lot.  Literally.

5)  That he taps his foot when he is talking all smarty.  I can always tell when he's being thinky, because his feet just start a-tappin'.

6)  That all his friends call him the Redneck Physicist.  And it is the truth.  He is the only man I know who can discuss the art of guttin' deer using the Theory of Relativity.  And all while tappin' his foot.  Literally.

Now...before you go off thinking I'm being all disrespectful of my man, I'm not.  I adore him like crazy.  And already warned him ahead of time that I was going to "out" him.  He's just decided to roll with it. 

Because you know what is the best thing about my man?  He is the kindest, gentlest, most compassionate man I've ever met.  He is funny and witty and smart.  And he loves us.

And even though he turns little princesses away...he is amazing.  Literally.

10 Very Gladdy Things

My good buddy, Meredith, hosts this super fun bloggy doo-dad every month, and my other good buddy, Gretchen, hosts this other super fun bloggy doo-dad every Tuesday. 

And I decided that I was just going to squish 'em together and do a little doo-dad mashup. 

So I give you....

10 Things That I'm Gladdy For On This GladiTuesday Which Happens To Be On the 10th

10.  I'm super gladdy that I'm homeschooling this year.  The last time I tried homeschooling the rascals, I had given it up by this time in the year.  The boys were back in traditional classrooms, and I was busy teaching grammar to a bunch of hooligans who cared less about diagramming sentences.  It definitely was the right decision for us at that particular stage in our lives, but I'm just tickled pink that God is allowing this year to go by so smoothly.  Fourth grade math is kicking my tail, but we all are still breathing, smiling, and waking up the next morning to do it all again. 

9.  I'm very gladdy that it is the holiday season...finally.  Thanksgiving and Christmas are my favorite times of the year, and I'm so gladdy that we're elbow deep in all things holiday-ie.  Christmas music, decorations, yummy food, family visits, shopping, really hunkering down and focusing on the Reason for the season.  LOVE IT.

8.  I'm amazingly gladdy that my trip to see my bloggy bestie Tiffani is only 3.5 weeks away.  I cannot wait to just sit and soak her up.  Precious.

7.  I'm very gladdy that my husband is a daddy who loves his kids.  He truly enjoys being with his babies and hanging out with them.  He never fusses about being the one to give up endless evenings to do practice after practice, and he never complains when they are underfoot helping him with his latest project.  It breaks my heart for children and wives that don't have supportive or eager fathers/husbands.  I'm so blessed.

6.  I'm really very gladdy that my corduroy pants still fit me from last year.  Nothing says fall like slipping on my cords and a snugly sweater.  It was touch and go there for a bit...but we are all good in the fittage department.  Whew.

5.  I'm very gladdy that it has finally stopped raining around here.  October in Arkansas brought like 25 or 26 days of rain out of the 31.  Ridiculous.  The sunshine is a happy place for me, and I don't think I have ever been so happy to see it.

4.  I'm very very gladdy about the homemade chicken noodle soup that is simmering away in my crockpot.  It smells divine.  And I can't wait to eat it.

3.  I'm really gladdy that my venture into the land of "domesticky" continues.  I am going to have to chain myself to my washer and dryer for the rest of the evening, but I'm not really bummed about it.  So...I am still counting successes as I see 'em!

2.  I'm really saddy that I haven't started ANY Christmas shopping yet, but super gladdy that I have a couple of really great bloggy buddies that have fabulous ETSY shops that I will most likely be visiting come time to play Santa.  I'm not feeling the crafty love this year, so I'm thinking I'm going to let this girl and this girl do the work for me!! :)

1.  I'm so very gladdy that I may just be getting a quiet weekend all to myself.  I love the children and all, but I also love me some alone time.  So, I'm SO hoping that it all pans out for the children to head to grandma's this weekend while the husband heads out for opening weekend of deer season.  Lazing my Saturday away with Mr. Darcy, my blankie, and a cup of coffee would do my soul well.

Thanks again, Mer and Jewels, for hosting!!  And be sure to check out Mer's place here for lots of other fun, creative, and thinky 10 lists.

Have a GladiTuesday on this 10th!!

Bringing Home the Bac...er...Venison

WARNING:  If you are sensitive to issues of hunting, you may want to skip this post.  Hunting happens to be a sport that our family participates in and has much respect for.  Although we view it as sport, we do also eat the meat of everything we kill.  We understand, however, that not everyone holds our same views. 


It just occurred to me the other day that some folks don't understand deer speak.

I mean, I guess I knew that not everyone hunted, but I didn't realize that deer lingo was truly a foreign language.

And, for sure, I'm not fluent.  I'm like on DoeBuck Level 3.  Maybe 3.5.  But, I'm learning.

My mom's side of the family lives, breathes, and sneezes hunting.  My cousin is a professional hunter, which might as well be NFL to redneckians.  And we have more pictures of my grandpa standing beside some critter that he killed than pictures of him not.  It's just how that side of the ole familia rolls.  So although my own family didn't do much outdoorsey stuff, hunting was certainly not strange or odd or foreign to me.

And then I married this guy.

And it was all over.

And I have been neck deep in wild game ever since.  Not only do I understand the anatomy of a deer, I have the anatomy of a deer in my fridge as I type this.  I've had deer heads in my freezer, and we have horns on our walls. We've spent many a night processing our own meat, and the boys love venison more than chicken or beef.  My closets vomit camouflage, and our entire fall schedule revolves around magical dates on the calendar which indicate what is in season and which gun or bow you can use to shoot it with.

So you can imagine the all-out giddyness that ensued late Saturday afternoon when I got the call that Sawyer shot his first deer ever.  All by himself.  And dragged it out of the woods.  All by himself.

Seriously big stuff around these parts.  Like a rite of passage of sorts.

Because it is one thing to dress the little men up in camo and hunter's orange and send them off for a day in the woods with their daddy.  Knowing that it really is probably not going to yield a successful hunt, and it is really more about the being like daddy part that really gets them excited anyway.

But we're on the fast track to mandome now.

And we couldn't be more proud.

Sawyer with his Button Buck -- November 7, 2009

Arkansas Youth Hunt

** My nephew, Jordan, scored big on Youth Hunt weekend also, bringing in TWO deer.  You can read about that here, at my sister's blog. Congratulations, Jordan!! **

So....... So, So Random

---- So tomorrow is the Youth Hunt for deer season here in good ole' Arkansas.  And Keaton just informed me that he didn't want to hunt because he doesn't want to "hurt the deer."  I quickly put that conversation off on his daddy and am now waiting anxiously for it to take place.  Really just to see the husband's face.  Him being so into animal rights and all. (Just ask our 3 legged dog and the deer he hit with the truck....they're voting him in as the next PETA president, for sure.)

---- So the other day the boys and I were elbow deep in school books and flashcards, and my phone kept ringing.  And ringing.  And ringing.  I usually keep my rule about not answering the phone during school, because I the children have attention issues, and if I get on the phone then I the children forget all about the education of their little brains.  Anyhow, the phone kept ringing.  And ringing.  And the caller i.d. said that it was my parents.  After the 76,456th ring, I decided that I had better answer it, because it was beginning to ring like an emergency.  So I answered the phone expecting the worst.  Well....it was.....

JIM-DAD:  (said with extreme panic) Amb? 
ME:  Yah?
JIM-DAD:  I need help!
ME: (thinking along the lines of falling and not getting up)  What????
JIM-DAD:  I'm on FaceBook, and Randy is trying to chat me and I don't know what to do!

I will now be answering to "Geek Squad."

---- So the next day my daddy calls me back.  To thank me for introducing him to wide wide world of internet chat. 

Dear Jim-Dad,
You're welcome.
Love,
Geek Squad

---- So I'm going to try to be very respectful of my fellow homeschoolers out there, but I just cannot go another day without mentioning the oddities that I'm experiencing.  I realize that I seem as strange to them as they do to me, and I'm not claiming normalcy by any means.  It says a WHOLE LOT more about me than it does them that I find these things odd, but I will tell you that I am in shock awe of folks who are actually able to get their offspring to eat things like chickpeas and wheatgerm and goat cheese.  And that people raise their own chickens for eggs...and live smack-dab in the middle of a neighborhood not on Old McDonald's farm.  And that people don't believe in cheetos.  And chocolate.  And plastic.  And microwaves.  I'm in awe.  Really.  In awe.

---- So I just saw on television a story about a couple who were in bed sleeping and a car slammed through their wall and landed on them.  That is scary.  But thankfully they were wearing clothing.  And I am tucking that story away for all the people who argue that you should sleep..ahem...comfortably.  Hello!  A car could smash through your wall at any given moment while you are sleeping.  Wear clothes.  The firemen who come to rescue you will thank you.  This has been your Rascal Raising PSA for today.  You're welcome.

---- So this post may just be the best post that I've read in a very very very long time.  Tiff's words are powerful and meaningful and encouraging.  If you are a mom....go now.  NOW.  This is an order.  LOVE.HER.LIKE.CRAZY.   What?  Did you miss the link??
Go HERE.

---- So I had someone comment the other day about my lack of correct grammar and punctuation in my posts.  And they were curious about my lack of grammatical discernment because my history is in teaching..uh...Grammar.  Um...my answer to that is that I know my way around a gerund phrase and can identify dangling participles with the best of 'em.  And I really do sit around and diagram sentences just for fun (you think I'm kidding, don't you?  I'm not.).  I just choose to not do it here.  Because this is my place to chat.  And I write like I speak.  And though I understand that fragmented sentences, extreme usage of ellipses, and prepositional phrases lacking appropriate objects bothers many of you....they don't bother me.  So continue to write like this, I shall.  Thanks for asking!  And a big conflicting pronoun antecedent to ya!

---- So I'm heading into the bowels of my kitchen in a few to clean up dinner from two nights ago.  Goodness....I heard your "Oooo, gross"s and "Nasty"s from here.  Don't be so judgy.  I've been busy.  Fieldtripping with folks who eat figs for dessert; watching Grey's Anatomy; and rockin' my groove thang in Hip Hop Dance Class (watch out, Beyonce!...that's all I gotsta say!).  So I'm just now getting to scrubbing the crockpot.  Hey...you knew my domesticky (props to the HighHeel Mama Who Wants To Gag Me With Carrot Juice for that word!) wouldn't/couldn't last forever!

Off to the bowels....and possibly to diagram a sentence or two....

Impressy

I mentioned my domestic-tivity yesterday. 

Fried chicken.  Clean sheets.  Hot breakfasts.  Folded towels in cabinets.   

I did cook chicken nuggets and BlueBox mac-n-cheese tonight just so as not to throw my family into a full blown shock from the healthy home-cooked from-scratch meals. 

Tonight though, I've been working on this.

I have a habit of starting things and then putting them away for awhile and then dragging them back out when the notion hits me.  And since I'm being all June Cleaver, then I dragged out the goods.

And I guess the boys thought it looked like fun.

And before I could lose my thread scissors for the 56th time, I was busy threading needles and tying off ends for the boys.

And smiling to myself as they tried to construct something out of leftover toille and black herringbone.  Cuties, I thought.

And then they showed me what they made.

Shut.My.Mouth.

The redheaded offspring made a shirt.  Albeit fit for a pirate wench, it is still a shirt.

And the eldest offspring made a pillow.  Complete with a monogram for his baby brother.

Impressed?  Me, too.

Their daddy?  Uh...not so much.

Betcha Didn't Know...

 

-- That I threw up in Zumba yesterday.  Oh, yes, I did.  Well, I didn't actually throw up IN Zumba, but I did make a mad dash out of the room and into the bathroom with my hand covering my mouth. 

-- That before going to Zumba one should not consume 14 mini-Snickers out of the Halloween candy bowl.  They do nothing for the body when said body is trying to keep up with the disgustingly perfect washboard stomach of your instructor who has birthed seven babies.  YES. SEVEN BABIES.  That alone will drive you to eat 14 more mini-Snickers.

-- That November brought in my domestic side.  I am cooking, cleaning, quilting, and causing my husband to say things like, "Who are you?" and "I don't know you anymore."

-- That as a result of my domesticness, I actually fried chicken the other day.  Like real chicken.  Fried.  I can see that you are as shocked as my family was.

-- That I have been staying up to watch the World Series even after the man-child goes to sleep.  Don't ask me why.  Because I don't know what to tell you.

-- That I am not getting the flu shots for my family.  We're going to take our chances and roll with it.  If we all end up oinking...you can tell me that you told me so. 

-- That I got to keep the nursery at church the other day, and it had the exact opposite effect on me that it usually does.  I snuggled this little precious squishy baby face and decided that I need one of those.  The husband is highly dismayed.

-- That I'm thinking of putting up my Christmas Tree this week.  Because it makes me happy.  And because we are going to be traveling so much in the next couple of months, I want to be able to enjoy it.

-- That the children ruined a piece of my antique furniture by lysoling the pull handles on all of the drawers.  In case you wondered....lysol strips the stain off of furniture.  Kudos to the rascals for trying to be all germ-free and stuff.  But you don't really have to worry about germs if your necks are wrung plum off.

-- That in exactly a month I will be sitting in the home of my bestie that I've never met in the skin.  We'll be sipping coffee and giggling and enjoying the sounds of our babies playing together.  And it will have been a long time coming.  And I.Cannot.Wait.

-- That I still know e.v.e.r.y.w.o.r.d. to "Ice Ice Baby."

-- That I have been known to bust out in song and dance to honor the almighty Vanilla.  And my children are starting to say things like, "MOM!" when I do.

-- That you can totally rip this post idea off and steal my button if you are suffering from bloggy block.  You're welcome.

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-- That this picture makes me laugh every.single.time. I see it.

Cracks.Me.Up.

Have a great day.  And a highly domestic November.