Doozey

This has been a doozey of a week on my brain and even more so...my heart....

The entrance of fall usually holds such hope for me.  It's a time that smiles can hardly be wiped from my face.  It means football has started, my closet is transitioning, and the air is a little easier to breathe. 

But this entrance of fall hasn't been so pleasant.  And this week in particular is doing a number on my soul.

For starters, the husband has been gone all week.  My only communication with him has been by email, one failed Skype attempt, and a briefer than brief phone call yesterday.  And I'm growing weary.  The boys and I have just about reached our limit of restraint with eachother, and we are about 5 minutes past time for a referee to run interference.  Without the other member of our family that is old enough to command a vehicle, it has left me doing all ball-related duties myself.  And I'm tired.  Since Sunday, we've had 2 ball games and 6 practices.  And all on different fields.  At different times.  And my baseball/football mom cute is wearing off fast.

I don't sleep well when the husband isn't home.  I hear every creak and moan that the house gives off, and I sleep with one eye open and sitting halfway up in bed.  Last night I swore I smelled smoke, which led me on a sniff parade for 45 minutes.  The bags and circles under my eyes are causing people to spread rumors...

I'm feeling some unsettling in my spirit that I can't quite put my finger on.  I've spent time in prayer and study this week, and still haven't received a clear answer.  I have no idea what the Lord is trying to tell me, and, frankly, it's frustrating.  But I'm trying to remember that His timing is not my timing.  I just wish He'd throw me a bone this week.

My heart is aching for a precious friend.  Her world was just turned upside-down this week, and there isn't anything under the sun that I can do to make it better.  I'm a fixer.  And I can't fix this.  And it sucks. 

On top of all of those big things....

I've fed my kids nothing but frozen pizza, Hot Pockets, and fish sticks for this entire week.  And I haven't felt bad about it...not even once....until now.  And now I'm crying about it....

I ruined an entire load of clothes by accidentally forgetting that I had added bleach to the water.  And last I checked, my men aren't keen on pink splotchy pieces of apparel.

The raccoons have sneaked their way into my trash bins....again.  And they never clean up after themselves.

I'm harboring bitter feelings about not getting to stay cozied up in my mama's house this week while the husband is off perusing the German countrysides.  But because of our hefty sports schedule, it just wasn't possible.  But I sure do wish I was there right now....

My favorite pair of flip flops broke.

And I could go on and on....

But really, I just am ready for my heart to settle.  And I'm sad because I don't really remember what that feels like....so I wonder if I would even recognize it if and when it happens....