"Stop staring at him!"
This disorder is not harmful; it is purely a cosmetic issue, which we praise Jesus for every day.
I hate feeling like Keaton was cheated. Like I was cheated. Because I know that as I type this there are mothers who don't know if their children will even live through the night. And that there are mothers who are grieving the fact that their children will never live a life that will be filled with what we all call normal. And that there are mothers whose hearts are heavy because they haven't yet been blessed with a child to call their own.
But I can't not voice my feelings any longer. I feel selfish. And insensitive. And greedy. But I made a promise to always be transparent and real on this blog, and I'm lying if I say that I'm okay that Keaton lives every day with questions as to why God made him have spots. And I'm lying if I tell you that I'm okay with being the mom of a kid with spots. I'm not.
It hurts that my child is the one that others stare at.
I've cried many a tear over those darn spots. I hate them. I have screamed "Why?" more times than I can count.
Because those spots matter.
They matter to my baby's heart. They hurt his feelings. They hurt his esteem. They hurt his heart.
And I'm doing everything I can to reassure him of his Father's love for him so that those darn spots don't hurt his faith.
Because the spots are still there. Every morning, they are still there.
My bitterness is still fresh. My tears still flow freely. And my frustration and anger is still very close to the surface. I'm doing my best to not show Keaton my hatred of his spots. To make our lives normal. To pretend like the stares at the swimming pool don't bother me. To not weep when he prays to Jesus that He won't let the spots get on his face.
But, I ask you for prayer. Prayer for healing, sure. But even more than that, prayer for Keaton's heart. That he will find himself drawing close to the One who created that perfect skin of his. To the One that knows those spots inside-and-out. And to the One that loves Keaton more than even this mama does.